


There is Music of the Birds in it (and Music of the Sídhe)

by Eggling



Series: Selkie-Song [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: M/M, Selkie AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:02:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggling/pseuds/Eggling
Summary: "I remember there was always music. Everywhere we went, the selkie songs echoed through the water and on the beaches, sometimes for days afterwards, like they'd been caught on the kelp and the stones."The people of the sea can seldom stay with those they love, but their songs always remain.





	1. Prologue

Great sweeping arches intricately carved from dusky stone rose to the roof of the hall to meet in sprays of ivy leaves, each illuminated by a softly glowing ball of golden light. Jamie had seen the hall many times, but only rarely like this, filled with music and laughter, garlands of browning oak leaves draped around the reliefs that lined the walls in celebration of of the autumn equinox. The shadows cast by the firelight seemed to make the figures within them move, dancing across the stone as if they were no longer a part of it. It might have been the atmosphere, or some glamour could have been cast on them – in the sídhe of the Seelie court, such things were not always clear. Standing to one side of the room, Jamie was rendered breathless for a moment by the sheer beauty of it. The heightened colours of the fae's magical energies swirled through the air like galaxies, red and blue and green and the rich, deep purple of the Seelie king and queen, seated on their wooden thrones at the end of the hall.

“Wonderful, isn’t it?”

“Polly!” Jamie turned to face her. She was breathless, too, but from dancing rather than admiring the scene, her cheeks flushed and her oak-leaf crown slightly askew.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked. “I thought you were playing.”

“I already have,” Jamie said. “We’re cycling so no one misses out on anything.”

“You’re playing for the Dance of the Kings, though, aren’t you?” she said eagerly. “Of course you are, you’re the best they’ve got!”

“Och, of course I’m not,” Jamie protested.

“Don’t be silly, everyone knows you are.” Polly’s attention flickered away as quickly as it had turned to him, reminding him of a cheerful, bubbling stream. She was always a little high-strung, her emotions prominent, her magic easy to pick out. Jamie had always maintained that it was impossible to lose Polly in a crowd – he would be able to recognise her spring nymph signature anywhere. Tonight, she was even more distinctive in a dark blue dress that sparkled with silver thread as she moved. The translucent fabric floated around her in ways that seemed more like the waves of the ocean than the ripples of a stream. A gift from Ben, no doubt.

The flash of another familiar magical signature caught his eye as it swirled past, twisting itself into complicated geometric and runic patterns that could only have sprung from the mind of Zoe. As he turned to watch, the patterns reached out to brush against the magic of her dance partner, Isobel. Her magic was less complex but somehow even more striking, its colour flamboyant and, tonight, particularly rich. The two magics blended together where they touched, red and yellow coming together to form a vibrant orange.

“Looks like they’re happy, Polly remarked, exchanging a smile with Jamie. “Maybe they’ll finally admit they like each other.”

Jamie gave a soft snort of disbelief, shaking his head. “Ye know Zoe. She’s much too stubborn.” He glanced around the hall. “No Victoria?”

The sadness in Polly’s eyes answered his question before she even spoke. “I tried, but she wouldn’t come. I don’t think there’s anything any of us can do for her.” Jamie nodded. He had not expected to see Victoria tonight.

A round of polite applause signalled the end of one song, and there was a sudden flurry of activity around the hall as dance partners changed. As one, the hall’s occupants turned to the great clock which hung above the thrones. Fifteen minutes to midnight.

There was still one absent member of their party. “Where’s Ben?” Jamie asked Polly curiously. “I would’ve thought he’d reserve all your dances.”

“Of course not!” Polly exclaimed in mock-indignation. “It’s not as if we’re engaged yet. He’s only saved about two thirds. He’s over there, talking with a visitor. A friend of his.”

Jamie craned his neck, trying to spot them amongst the crowd. “A visitor? Where from?”

“Ben said he’d travelled here from the Outer Hebrides. We don’t know where he’s from originally.”

At last, Jamie caught a glimpse of Ben’s magic on the other side of the room, rippling like waves on the shore, occasionally darting out towards the magic of his companion in curiosity, though always maintaining a polite distance. As the crowd cleared, Jamie caught a glimpse of the visitor, a man with dark hair, clothed in a speckled, greyish-brown coat. It was impossible to tell what age he was – he seemed both young and old, and the appearance of a magical being did not always reflect their years. His magic had taken on a deep shade of blue for the night, the like of which Jamie had never seen, even with all the guests the court attracted. He was a selkie, he realised after a moment. It was only when Polly laughed at him that he realised he was staring.

“Would you like me to introduce you?” she offered.

“Wh – what?” Jamie stared up at her in apprehension.

“Well, your dance card’s still free, isn’t it?” she said mischievously. “Told you I’d find you a dance partner. Come on, I’m sure you’ll like him.” Ignoring Jamie’s half-hearted protests, she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him across the room, skirting around the dancers and depositing him unceremoniously beside Ben, whose face lit up at the sight of her. The selkie smiled at Polly and shook her hand politely, then turned his attention to Jamie, his magic flickering and dancing curiously. He regarded Jamie with a fascinated expression, eyes sparkling blue like starlight on the sea.

“Polly, Jamie, this is the Doctor,” Ben introduced them.

The Doctor. An odd name, but if he came from far away, then perhaps it was customary to his people. That mercurial gaze was turned on him once more, and Jamie found himself frozen by it.

“I believe I saw you playing earlier tonight,” the Doctor said, smiling warmly and shaking Jamie’s hand. Jamie hoped desperately that the others could not see his reddening cheeks, but judging by Polly’s smirk, he was out of luck. “Very impressive.”

He managed to stammer out a simple thanks, and Polly squeezed his hand, winking at Ben. “Are you going to ask him to dance, or are you just going to stare at him?” she hissed. “Because if you don’t ask him, I’ll do it for you.”

“What if he says no?” Jamie whispered back.

“You should have seen him when you were playing.”

A sudden realisation crept over Jamie. “Ye set all this up – you and Ben!”

“Not at all,” Polly replied, assuming a hurt expression. “I had no idea he was coming tonight. So I’ll ask you again. Are you going to ask him to dance?”

Jamie glared at her in frustration for a moment, opening and closing his mouth in an attempt to think of what to say. The Doctor was watching them, amusement sparking in his eyes. He had clearly overheard their conversation. Seeming to take pity on Jamie, he held out his hand. Jamie took it more out of surprise than anything, pulling a face at Polly and Ben as the Doctor led him towards the dance floor. “Sorry about them.”

“Not at all.” The Doctor’s expression was carefully composed, but his magic was flickering with a nervousness Jamie felt in his own chest.

They took their positions just as the musicians began another song, and the complicated steps of the dance occupied most of Jamie’s attention as he struggled to remember where exactly to move. It had been a long time since he had done much but watch the dancers from the orchestra. He was thankful for his inexperience, as it saved him from thinking about the way the Doctor’s hand felt against his own as they circled each other. Despite his embarrassment, he could hardly keep from watching the Doctor’s face. Once or twice, their eyes met, and they quickly looked away in embarrassment. For all his nervousness, Jamie was disappointed when the music stopped, dance partners bowing to one another politely and retiring to the sides of the hall, or readjusting their positions. The Doctor smiled at him for a moment, then lifted Jamie’s hand and kissed the back of it before turning away, breaking the moment. Jamie remained standing at the edge of the dance floor, still smiling to himself when Polly approached him.

“I’d say that went rather well,” she said, grinning at him impishly. “Are you going to ask him to dance again?”

“Now, that’s enough,” Jamie said warningly. “I’m no’ really a dancer. I’ve already made a fool of myself.”

“Well, he enjoyed it,” Polly pointed out. “And so did you. He’s as nervous as you are. Ask him to dance again, go on!”

Jamie glanced at the clock, shaking his head. “Maybe after the Dance of the Kings,” he said evasively. Polly simply smiled knowingly, as if she had won the argument.

At midnight, the great clock above the king and queen’s thrones began to chime with the clear ring of glass being struck. Somehow, it seemed to echo with all the beautiful sounds in the world, birdsong and the rustle of leaves on the trees and the crash of the waves on the shore, the whispering of the wind and the chattering of busy streams. Taking up his position amongst the other musicians, Jamie saw two members of the court dressed in intricate costumes enter the hall. Their faces were hidden by elaborate masks, visages at once youthful and old, playful and wise. One wore a crown woven from holly, the other a crown of oak. Guests scattered in their wake, backing against the walls to leave the dance floor unoccupied. The Seelie king sat forward in his throne, eagerly awaiting the spectacle to follow. A drum rang out across the hall as the two figures faced each other, each holding a spear, their points clearly visible and quite obviously lethal. These were no mere ceremonial weapons – they were made for ripping souls from bodies, for lethal combat against the Unseelie court. And yet tonight they were to assist in a familiar and ancient ritual.

The sound of drums filled the silent, tense space once, twice, three times, the Oak King and the Holly King adjusting their grips on their weapons. When at last they lashed out at each other, the musicians began to play, the sound both following and anticipating every strike and move the combatants made. Jamie’s fingers danced over the chanter’s surface automatically, his attention taken up with the dance before him. At first, the two kings seemed evenly matched, neither gaining ground without losing it a moment later, but as the battle wore on, the Oak King seemed to tire, allowing the Holly King to drive him further and further back until they were at the very edge of the dance floor. Finally, their spears met, crashing against each other, the two kings locked together in an embrace that would have seemed deadly were it not for the fact that every observer knew how the battle was to end. The Holly King pushed the Oak King backwards with a mighty heave, and he stumbled off the dance floor, dropping his spear as he fell. Bending down to pick it up, the Holly King raised his own spear above his head in triumph. The crowd applauded enthusiastically as the Holly King bowed to them, and the Seelie king stood and clapped his hands together once. In a burst of light, the oak garlands around the hall turned to holly. The Holly King dipped his head to the Seelie king, then snapped his fingers. Both Holly and Oak disappeared in a spray of golden sparks.

“Let the rule of Holly begin,” the Seelie king announced, returning to his seat as the crowd dispersed.

To Jamie’s surprise, the Doctor approached him almost as soon as he had set down his pipes and made his way out of the orchestra. “I, ah, I don’t suppose you’d like to dance again?” he asked.

Jamie failed to suppress a smile. “If ye insist.”

The Doctor took his hand eagerly and pulled him onto the dance floor, breaking into a wide smile himself when the musicians began to play a lively tune. This time, their dance lacked any trace of nervousness, both of them still overwhelmed with euphoria from the Dance of the Kings. They laughed together as they twirled each other around in dizzying circles, almost unaware of the other dancers in their joy. Eventually, the tune slowed, and they pulled back towards each other, dancing gradually turning to swaying on the spot contentedly. It took them a moment to realise that the music had stopped, and even then they remained in place, still smiling widely, foreheads almost touching.

Jamie pulled away first, but he continued to grip the Doctor’s hand. They stood in silence for what felt like a long time, the other dancers moving around them but seeming distant, the entire hall silenced by their proximity to each other. Only when Jamie’s hands slipped from the Doctor’s did time return to its normal speed, and Jamie turned away, clearing his throat loudly in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

Soon after their dance, the Doctor vanished into the crowd. Despite his best efforts at finding him, Jamie did not see him again that night.


	2. Chapter One

“Hello again.” Jamie looked down at the seal nosing at his leg with a touch of fondness. It looked up at him with an expression that he supposed was the seal form of perfect innocence, its all too familiar blue eyes wide. “Dinnae look at me like that, ye daft wee thing. I know who ye are. It’s not often ye see seals with blue eyes, ye ken.”

The seal gave an indignant huff, sliding out of the water and shaking itself. Somewhere in that rapid motion, fur slid away from skin, and the Doctor’s human form reappeared, wrapped in his fur coat. “I’m not a _wee thing_ ,” he insisted, sitting down on the rocks beside Jamie.

“Whatever ye say,” Jamie replied absently, occupied with poking at the shell of a crab to make it scuttle across the stones. “Ye cannae deny that I’m taller than you, though.”

“Why, you -” The Doctor bobbed up and down on the spot, as if trying to stretch himself and prove Jamie wrong. The aura of his magic defied him, rippling and waving in ways that betrayed his amusement. He cast a glance around at the seashore, taking in the grey sky, dark and stormy over the horizon. “Quite a place for a meeting.”

“Better than being pulled off a boat by a handsome, mysterious stranger,” Jamie said, grinning.

The Doctor snorted softly. “I should think so. We don’t really do that, you know. Not to sídhe people like you, at least. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Where did ye go last night?” Jamie winced even as the words left his mouth. He had not wanted to admit that he had been looking for the Doctor for the rest of the evening, but curiosity had won out in the end.

“I’ve been out here all night,” the Doctor said.

“Did they not give ye quarters in the court?” Jamie asked, puzzled. The sea air was pleasantly bracing, but he could not imagine anyone choosing to spend the night on the shore. In the forest, perhaps, where the trees provided some shelter from the wind and rain, but not alone and exposed on the rocks.

“Well, yes, but it’s very hard for a selkie to resist the call of the sea,” the Doctor explained. “Especially when not among their people. And it’s so strong here. The natural power of the Seelie court amplifies it.” He peered at Jamie curiously. “Why are you here? You’re not bound to the sea yourself.” Jamie’s gazed flickered away from the Doctor, and he chuckled, understanding the unspoken explanation. “Yes, well, I will admit it’s nice to be able to talk without your friends hanging over us – though they’re perfectly lovely,” he added hastily. “I don’t think I said much to you at all last night.”

“No,” Jamie agreed. _We didn’t need to_ , he thought. They sat in silence for a moment, every nerve in Jamie’s body on fire with the desperate need to say something, anything. In the end, it was the Doctor who spoke first.

“You know, all this used to be covered in ice. As far as the eye could see. Nothing could live here, not even the fae folk.

Jamie looked up at him in surprise. The Doctor seemed much too young to have seen the ice himself, though he spoke as if he had. “Did ye ever see it?”

“No,” the Doctor said, tapping one finger against his lips thoughtfully. “No, it had vanished long before I was born. But I once met someone who had seen it.”

“And ye asked them about it?”

“I did.” The Doctor’s eyes took on a faraway expression, as if he was remembering something indescribably beautiful. “They said it was like crystal, glittering a hundred thousand colours all at once. Freezing cold and deadly, but breathtaking. I often wish I could have seen it.”

The silence returned after that, the Doctor still lost in his own thoughts, Jamie unwilling to disturb him. After a while, however, curiosity won out again. “Are ye really a doctor?”

“Hm?” The Doctor looked up at him, frowning, then broke into a wide smile. “Of course.”

Jamie pondered this for a moment. However hard he tried, he could not imagine the Doctor as a man of medicine, at least not exclusively. Of science, perhaps, or philosophy, or perhaps even history. “What sort of doctor?”

“Oh, of this and that.”

Jamie knew he had asked more than the Doctor was willing to tell. “Breakfast!”

“Where?” The Doctor sat bolt upright, scanning the waves attentively.

“I mean -” _Now you’ve gone and done it, Jamie_ , he berated himself. _You’ve made a fool of yourself_. “I mean, they’ll be serving breakfast soon. In the court.”

“Oh!” The Doctor leapt upright with an unexpected enthusiasm and held out his hand to Jamie. “Coming?” he asked, as if he were the one who had suggested it in the first place.

Jamie nodded, taking his hand. He expected the Doctor to let go after pulling him to his feet, but he held on, lacing their fingers together as they walked up the beach. Something new settled in Jamie’s chest at that, something terrifying and unknown and beautiful. _No_ , he told himself. _He’ll only be here for a little while – a few months, if you’re lucky – and then he’ll be gone. This can’t be. Don’t let yourself get hurt._

Polly greeted them with a satisfied smile as they entered the hall, and Jamie let go of the Doctor’s hand as if burnt. She pulled him aside at the first opportunity, exchanging a look with Ben as she did so. “What happened?” she hissed excitedly.

“Nothing,” Jamie said firmly.

Polly sighed, giving him a frustrated look. “He disappears early last night, you look around like you’re lost for a good half hour, and then you disappear too! Then you show up together this morning, holding hands, and you tell me nothing happened?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Spill.”

“I bumped into him on the beach this morning,” Jamie explained. “By accident,” he added firmly.

“Sure you did.” Polly drew out the words sceptically. “And just happened to start holding hands along the way.”

“Aye, we did,” Jamie insisted.

Polly’s frustration was growing more and more apparent, her magic starting to visibly flicker around her. “Jamie, I’m trying to help. Look – you like him, right?”

“No!” Jamie thought back to their dances, and the way he had felt when the Doctor had taken his hand. “I – I don’t know.”

Polly smirked at that. “And he likes you.”

“’Course he doesn’t.”

“Are you blind? He does, Jamie. So why not?”

Jamie glared at her. “You’re missing the obvious, Polly.”

“Which is?”

“He’s a selkie. He’ll be gone soon enough. It won’t work.”

“You’d be good for each other,” Polly said, ignoring him. “Zoe thinks so too.”

“Och, well – if Zoe thinks so, we’d better do as Zoe says, then,” Jamie snapped. Zoe looked up in alarm, and Jamie realised he had raised his voice a little too much. “Sorry, Zoe.” He turned back to Polly. “I barely know him. I might end up hating him.”

“Ben’s known him for ages,” Polly said, as if that settled the argument. “Just give it a go? Sometimes strange things happen at the equinoxes, when there’s so much magic at the surface of the world. Maybe you meeting him is one of them.” She did not wait for him to reply, slipping across the room in a twirl of the ghosts of petals and sweet spring breezes.

Jamie was quiet all through breakfast, picking over his porridge and staring blankly at the walls in a failed attempt to hide his inner turmoil. Polly talked about it as if it were all so simple. As if pursuing a relationship with anyone from outside the court – let alone a _selkie_ – could work easily. It was easy for her, he supposed. As an ocean spirit, Ben travelled like a selkie might, but he always came home, to the court and to Polly. But loving a selkie was dangerous, or so Jamie had always been led to believe. Polly was wrong about this.

The Doctor reached out to touch his arm, looking at him in concern. “Are you alright?” he asked. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”

Jamie gave a small smile. “I’m fine,” he said. “Just thinking, that’s all.” He stood up abruptly, brushing the Doctor’s touch away and ignoring his half-eaten porridge. “I’m off. I’ll see ye later.” As he went, he almost thought he saw the Doctor watching him with a mixture of disappointment and resigned acceptance – but surely that was his imagination. There was nothing between them. Polly’s attempts at matchmaking had confused him, that was all. He rubbed at his arm, trying to rid himself of the ghost of the Doctor’s touch.


	3. Chapter Two

The soft sound of footsteps awoke Jamie from his half-sleep, and he uncurled, stretching like a cat. He felt a flash of annoyance at having been awoken – the bed of flowers was so comfortable, the branches of his tree above him only letting a few raindrops reach the forest floor – and he shook himself a little more forcefully than was needed to pull himself out of his forest-given meditative state. His resentment vanished when he saw the new arrival was Zoe, looking a little lost. He was not surprised that she was uncomfortable. She was a fae of the court, not of the natural world, and rarely ventured beyond her domain, preferring to spend her time in the library.

“Hello, Zoe,” he called out to her. She jumped, but looked relieved when she caught sight of him.

“Jamie,” she said breathlessly. “Polly said you’d be out here.” She glanced around nervously. ‘I don’t remember the last time I came this far into the forest. I was sure I’d get lost. The pathways just aren’t as logical as the ones in the court.” She shook herself, brushing raindrops from her hair and shivering a little. The thin fabric of her tunic and leggings were no more suited to the cold than she was to the outdoors. “I didn’t disturb you, did I?”

“No’ really,” Jamie said, patting the ground next to him. She sat down, her knees drawn up to her chest as if she was afraid of taking up too much space. “I was just watching things. There’s a wood mouse a little way away from here being stalked by a wildcat.” He flinched, then smiled proudly, a touch of the cat’s happiness bleeding into his own mind. “The wildcat caught her.”

“Couldn’t you have done something?” Zoe asked, her eyes wide with alarm.

“Aye, I suppose so. But that cat has kittens tae feed. I’d be choosing between them.” He pulled his mind away from the activity of the forest. “Why aren’t ye with Isobel?” The library had held a new attraction for Zoe in recent months – a human had wandered into a faery ring and found herself transported to their world. She had taken up a job in the library, helping to illustrate the new manuscripts, and Zoe was obviously more than a little smitten with her.

“Oh, she’s busy. I thought I’d come and find you instead?”

Jamie sighed. “Going tae lecture me about the Doctor, are ye?” It was a lecture he did not need. He had thought of little else but their dances since the night of the autumn equinoxes.

“No.” Zoe’s surprise told him that her answer was genuine. “Of course not. I was hoping to get away from things myself.” She drew in a shaky breath, staring down at her lap. “Isobel’s thinking about leaving.”

“Oh.” The news was unexpected. As far as Jamie was aware, Isobel had been perfectly happy at the Seelie court. “And you’re telling yourself to get any closer than ye already are, to save yourself the pain.”

“Something like that.” Jamie had only rarely seen Zoe lost and out of her depth, and he found it a little unnerving. She usually maintained a careful control over herself, every word and action considered and measured out. “I wouldn’t try to stop her leaving, but it’s going to _hurt_.”

Zoe’s words struck at something within Jamie. Unknowingly, she had echoed the warnings he gave himself about the Doctor. “Tell her how ye feel,” he said automatically, surprising himself. “If ye tell her, she might decide she wants tae stay.” Zoe shook her head, and Jamie pressed on. “Ye might as well use what time ye have left with her.”

“I don’t think so.” Zoe got to her feet. “Thanks anyway.”

“You’re welcome.” Jamie curled back amongst the flowers. “Go and find her.”

“Who said I was going back to Isobel?” A smile was playing on the edges of Zoe’s lips, and Jamie knew he had been right.

He closed his eyes again, trying to link back into the forest, but he was too preoccupied to focus properly. His conversation with Zoe ran through his mind over and over, and he wondered about the advice he had given her. Zoe and Isobel had been dancing around each other for long enough, that much was true, and he was sure that Isobel would stay if Zoe confessed her feelings. But what did that mean for him and the Doctor? Unlike Isobel, the Doctor had no choice but to leave. Was he right, or was Zoe?”

At last, he managed to latch onto the forest's sleepy consciousness, and fell into an uneasy trance.

* * *

Jamie was lost in thought for days, trying and failing to sort through his feelings and puzzling over what Polly and Zoe had said. A week after the autumn equinox, he still found himself wandering through the corridors of the Seelie court, searching for something he could not put a name to. His shoulder bumped against someone else’s, and he murmured an apology without looking up. Only when someone grabbed hold of his arm was he pulled out of his thoughts and back to reality.

“Jamie!” Of course it had to be the Doctor, Jamie thought. He was beaming as brightly as if he had just found water in the desert. “Jamie, just the person I need. Polly showed me where the court’s communal wardrobe is earlier, but I can’t seem to find the library.”

“Aye, I can take ye there.” Jamie looked the Doctor up and down. His coat was wrapped loosely around his shoulders like a cloak, revealing a shabby frock coat and ill-fitting trousers. “Ye picked that out from the wardrobe?”

“Yes, yes, I did.” The Doctor was hopping from one foot to the other impatiently. “Can we get to the library quickly, please? I’m rather afraid I’m late.”

Jamie led him off into the earthen-walled corridors, ducking his head to avoid the magical lamps and some of the thicker roots. He wondered how the Doctor had managed to stray so far from the larger, better-maintained tunnels without realising he was going in the wrong direction and turning back. “Late for what?”

“Victoria said she’d meet me there,” the Doctor explained.

“Victoria?” Jamie would have been grateful for the distraction had he not been so surprised. “Ye mean -”

“Yes, that Victoria.”

“But she’s -” Jamie cut himself off hastily

“Been mourning her father since he was killed in an Unseelie raid some months ago?” Jamie gaped at him. “She told me.”

“She hardly tells anyone.” Jamie’s mind was reeling with the discovery that the Doctor already knew. “She’s known ye a week!” In the time he had spent worrying about the future, the Doctor had clearly inserted himself into the lives of his friends with surprising speed.

They rounded a corner, and the Doctor beamed. “Ah, here we are. Thank you, Jamie.” He hurried through the archway and into the library, leaving Jamie to trail after him. Entering the library always made him pause to admire it, the great, vaulted ceiling and rows upon rows of intricately carved bookshelves. The ancient librarian was curled in the corner, as usual, directing a few visitors to the shelves they needed with his gnarled walking stick without looking up from his own book. If the heart of the Seelie court’s magic was anywhere, it was here, tucked away amongst pages and pages of all the knowledge generations of fae had accumulated. It was no wonder that some fae, like Zoe, were formed in its depths.

He found the Doctor and Victoria together, and was stunned by the sight of Victoria’s smile, wider than any he had seen from her since the attack that had killed her father. “Jamie!” she exclaimed, rushing to hug him.

He hugged her back for a moment, then stepped away, holding her out at arm’s length. “How long has it been since I saw ye last?”

“Weeks, I think,” she said, still beaming. The Doctor looked between them.

“Ah – I think I’ll go and ask the librarian where to find the books on magical inscriptions,” he said hastily. “I’ll rejoin you later.”

Jamie watched him go, smiling after him. “So ye like him?” he asked.

Victoria nodded. “I went out for a walk in the evening and found him in the gardens, and we – we talked for a long time. I think it helped, telling someone I didn’t know. He never seemed to pity me, or think I was being childish, holding onto the..” She took a deep breath. “The memory of my father for so long.” Her voice shook a little, but Jamie had never heard her speak of what had happened so freely. Garden fae could be delicate, physically and emotionally, and for a time he had feared the trauma had broken her spirit for good.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I’m happy for ye,” he said. “None of us liked seeing ye so sad like that, but we didnae know how to help. We dinnae really understand what it’s like tae have a family like you did. But I think he does.”

There was a quiet understanding in her eyes, and he knew she forgave them for their clumsy attempts at helping her. “The Doctor says it will take some time, but I think I’m ready to start moving on now.” With what seemed like some effort, she made herself smile again. “I do hope he stays. He tells the most wonderful stories.”

“Aye, he does, doesn’t he?” Victoria was watching him with a knowing expression, one that he suspected she had picked up from Polly. Before she could say anything, the Doctor reappeared, trotting back towards them with his arms full of books and scrolls. “I’ll leave you two to your books, then.”

“Oh.” The disappointment in the Doctor’s voice was unmistakeable. “Yes, we won’t keep you any longer. Thank you for bringing me here, Jamie.”

“You’re welcome.” Something about seeing Victoria pulled from her consuming misery had helped Jamie escape the thoughts which he had been mired in for the past few days. Polly’s enthusiasm had left him confused and questioning his every feeling for the Doctor, but now he pushed it aside. There could be no harm in the pursuit of friendship. He smiled back at the Doctor as he left. “I’ll see ye later, aye?”


	4. Chapter Three

“Good morning!”

“Och, you’re far too cheerful,” Jamie called across the beach. “The sun’s barely up.”

“Then why are you here?” The Doctor practically skipped up to him, taking his arm and leading him towards the shore.

“I’ve been in the forest,” Jamie said, gesturing up towards the tree-capped headland. He felt a flash of guilt at the half-truth. If he was honest with himself, he had been hoping to see the Doctor in his seal form again. Despite all the time they had been spending together, he had not seen it since that first morning. He was unsure why he did not tell the Doctor about his curiosity. He suspected that it was special, that the Doctor would not reveal his other form to just anyone. And something within him longed to be granted that privilege again, for the Doctor to trust him with the more vulnerable side of his being.

The Doctor’s mind was clearly elsewhere, as it so often was. “That’s your forest?” he asked, looking up at the headland in wonderment. “I’ve never seen such a big one up close before.”

Jamie grinned at his amazement. “It’s not all mine,” he explained. “Just a wee bit around my tree. But it was my turn tae check in on it this morning. Make sure it’s healthy, ye know.”

“Mm.” The Doctor found a flat rock to sit on, its edges worn smooth by centuries of tides washing over it. Jamie perched beside him, keeping carefully out of the way of the salt spray from the waves. “None of the others ever come and visit like this.”

“Aye, well...” Jamie tried to think of a suitable explanation. “Maybe I just like ye.” That, at least, was the truth – he did like the Doctor, and the Doctor seemed to appreciate his company in return. Although the others had accepted the Doctor into their little group as if he had always been there, he and Jamie had gravitated towards each other almost unknowingly since that day in the library. Now, a few weeks later, even strangers called them inseparable. “When are ye leaving?”

“When I said I’d be leaving yesterday,” the Doctor said fondly. “And the day before that. In a few months, maybe a year. Depends how long I can hold out against the call of the sea.”

Jamie stared out at the horizon, inwardly cursing the sea for its power. His motives were not entirely selfish – he wished the Doctor could stay for the sake of their friendship, but also for the sake of his study of the library, and of the Seelie court itself. Months did not seem long enough to satisfy his seemingly boundless curiosity. “I’ll miss ye,” he said quietly.

The Doctor huffed at that. “Won’t you just go back to how you were before, perfectly happy without me?”

“I didnae know ye then,” Jamie said. “Ye write to Ben sometimes, will ye write to me too?”

“If I’m able to,” the Doctor said. “I send letters rather less often than I’d like to, I’m afraid. I’ll miss you, too,” he added.

He said it so casually, as if he were commenting on how rough the sea was, or how bracing the wind, and Jamie sighed. The Doctor seemed so fleeting, passing by and gone again in a moment, never staying tied to any one place, and Jamie felt as if he had no chance of making him care. They would write together a few times, perhaps for a month or two, then the Doctor would move on, abandoning their blossoming friendship. He had told so many stories of the places he had seen on his extensive travels, sights that most of the Seelie court could not even dream of, but he had never indicated that he maintained any attachment to any of them, let alone the people he met there. Surely Jamie would just be another story, another person he would mention or think of every so often before casting the memory aside in favour of another. _Don’t let yourself get hurt_ , he told himself again. _Don’t get close_. It was a little too late for that, he knew.

“Would you like me to walk you back to the court?” the Doctor offered, apparently taking his sudden silence as indication that the conversation was over.

“I can do things myself, ye know,” Jamie snapped back, immediately regretting his sharp tone. It was not the Doctor’s fault that he did not seem to care as much as Jamie did. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s quite alright.” The Doctor looked hurt. His bottom lip stuck out slightly, lending him the appearance of an alarmed child. “I’m happy to catch my own breakfast this morning, if you don’t want me to come with you.”

“I'd like ye to.” The Doctor did not flinch away when Jamie leant his head against his shoulder, and he knew he was forgiven.

“I do care about you,” the Doctor murmured, startling Jamie. “It’s difficult for – for someone like me, knowing that I have to leave. I do my best not to get attached, but sometimes -” He rested his head against Jamie’s. “I can’t help it.”

Jamie was silent for a long time, processing this. Even for a fae creature, the Doctor was otherworldly, seeming to exist on a different plane to everyone else, and he had taken the Doctor’s apparent lack of connection to anything or anyone as part of it. “If ye could stay somewhere, would ye?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’d be tied to one place.” The Doctor hesitated. “Perhaps to one person. When I set out to travel, I could never imagine loving someone that much, to give up all the freedom of the sea.” He gazed off into the distance for a moment, seeming transported to another place, another time. “Haven’t you ever dreamt of it, Jamie? To see other places, look up at an unfamiliar sky?”

Once, Jamie could not have truthfully said that he had. The Seelie court was his home, had been all his life, and he knew that the outside world was dangerous. But the way the Doctor talked about the world made it seem so much bigger and more beautiful, and he was starting to think that he would follow him anywhere, if he felt he could leave his forest. It sounded mad – he knew that if he told anyone, he would be laughed at for placing such a deep trust in someone he had known for only a few weeks, or worse still, have it called infatuation. Whatever this thing between them was, it was not infatuation. The Doctor was above that, surely, and for all Jamie’s silenced and unwanted wishes, he knew that it was not that simple. But his feelings for the Doctor were ones he had never experienced before, and he could not deny that fact.

His stomach rumbled, interrupting their separate thoughts, and they laughed. “I think I’m dreaming of breakfast,” he said. “And I’d like it very much if ye came with me tae find it.”

“Yes, I think that’s one thing we can manage.” They stood up in unison, brushing themselves off and ambling slowly up the beach. “Small adventures first, them big ones, I think.”

* * *

Sleeplessness drew Jamie out of his rooms and onto the shore early in the morning, before even the first hints of sunrise. He had thought to make his way into the forest and see if sleep came any easier beside his tree, but a flicker of movement amongst the moon-silvered waves made him pause, looking out across the ocean. The water’s surface did not break again, and the only sound was the hiss of waves against the sand and the rocks. He shook his head. Surely he was alone. Before he could turn back towards the forest, a shape slid out from amongst the waves, letting itself be rolled onto the shore before it vanished amongst the rocks. Recognising it as a seal, he hurried over, drawn by the same instinct that had pulled him out of bed and towards the forest.

The moonlight might have leached most of the colours out of the landscape, but he still recognised the blue of the seal's eyes. He knelt beside it, and it touched its nose to his face, its whiskers tickling him. "What are ye doing out here?"

The seal shook itself, its fur sliding away to reveal the Doctor's form. They found themselves nose to nose, and Jamie quickly moved away, his cheeks reddening. The Doctor did not seem to think anything of it, busying himself with drawing his coat tightly around himself. "Nothing like a midnight swim to help you think." He peered at Jamie. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Jamie shrugged. “I couldnae sleep. I was on my way tae the forest when I saw ye.”

“Oh.” The Doctor fiddled with the edge of his coat. “You’re rather privileged, you know. You’ve seen my other form twice now.”

“Why do ye not show your other form?” Jamie gestured to the Doctor’s coat. “It’s no’ as if ye can hide that ye have it.”

“Well, no, but it does feel rather more intimate in some ways. It’s like telling you something personal. You have to be careful about it.” The Doctor considered Jamie for a moment. “But I think I’m safe with you.”

Jamie gave a little murmur of agreement. “I suppose fair’s fair, then.” He closed his eyes, concentrating on changing himself.

The Doctor gave a little ‘oh!’ of surprise, and Jamie opened his eyes again, grinning a little self-consciously. “You’ve got -”

“Antlers?” Jamie’s smile widened. “Aye, sometimes.”

The Doctor reached up towards them tentatively, and Jamie bowed his head in silent permission. “Do all your people have them?”

“Aye, or something like it, if they choose. There used tae be a fae here who spent his whole life as a bird. He was a wee bit odd, though. Most of us just choose parts of animals.”

“Why don’t you wear them more often?” The Doctor was poking experimentally at one of the points. “They’re – ah – they’re rather lovely.”

“They’re no’ so good for being indoors, even when they're only wee,” Jamie explained. The Doctor laughed at that, looking Jamie up and down with the same breathless wonderment he bestowed upon rare magics and old books and the things he found most fascinating. No, Jamie thought – the Doctor was looking at him like he looked at the sea, as if wishing for something he did not want to wish for.

The Doctor broke the moment first, drawing his coat around himself. Not in protection against the cold, Jamie suspected, but certainly in protection against something. “Thank you for showing me, Jamie. I won’t detain you from your forest any longer.”

Jamie looked up at the headland. The jagged edges of the rocks were thrown into stark relief by the moonlight, and its trees seemed black and cold and leafless against the night sky. “I dinnae think I want to go to the forest tonight after all. Can I stay here? With you?”

“If you like.” The Doctor kept his expression carefully neutral, but he shifted a little closer, and Jamie knew he was pleased. Something between them had shifted, clicked into place, but Jamie did not dare call it by name.

* * *

“Och, no,” Jamie complained, batting at Polly uselessly. “He doesnae want tae hear about that.”

“On the contrary.” The Doctor was leaning forward keenly, laughing along with Polly and the others. “I’m very interested. You found him where?”

“Fallen into my stream,” Polly repeated. “With more brambles and branches in his antlers than I’ve ever seen. I had to help him out. That’s how we met.”

Jamie scowled. “It’s not like you’d have been any better when ye were newly formed. Anyway, they found Zoe sleeping in a nest of books in a corner of the library, remember?”

Isobel burst into laughter at that, and Zoe frowned at her. “You’re meant to be on my side,” she protested.

“At least I was awake and walking around when I arrived here,” Isobel teased her. “I’d like to have seen you asleep in the books.”

“Victoria was the only one who was made with any dignity,” Polly continued, still laughing. “I suppose it's because she was made, rather than formed. She was sitting amongst the rose bushes in the gardens in the middle of the court.”

Jamie tensed, expecting Victoria’s smile to fade at the reminder of her family. To his surprise, she shrugged, gesturing down at herself. “I tore my dress awfully on the way out,” she reminded them.

Grinning, Jamie tapped Polly on the arm. “If we’re swapping stories, maybe the Doctor wants to hear about when ye spent months telling me Ben couldn’t possibly like ye back.”

“Oh, yes.” The Doctor’s attention turned as quickly as a breeze, and he was laughing with Jamie now.

“I didn’t know you were pining after me for that long, duchess,” Ben said.

Polly whacked Jamie’s arm. “It wasn’t _that_ long,” she insisted. “Maybe a month or two. It’s not like you didn’t do it too. Everyone does that when they’re in love.” She winked at Jamie, who huffed. He should have known she would try to make it about his feelings for the Doctor. The worst part was that he was starting think she had a point.

He glanced over at the Doctor, who was still laughing, listening to Victoria recount the story. His heart clenched at the sight. The Doctor was wonderful, beautiful, completely ridiculous, and Jamie found himself increasingly drawn to him like a moth to a flame, or perhaps like a hazel rod to water. Even when the Doctor was not the focus of the conversation, he caught himself watching him, tracking the smallest changes in his expressions.

Polly was talking now, telling the story herself. “And eventually I said -” _I love you_. Jamie mouthed it along with her, still looking at the Doctor. His eyes widened in alarm when he realised what he had done, and he looked away from the Doctor, hoping that none of the others had seen anything. It was not the truth, he insisted to himself. He had not really meant it.

Tentatively, he looked back up at the Doctor. _I love you_. The words had settled within him now, leaving a flutter of nervousness, as if some flighty bird was perched within his chest. Somehow, it was a truth he had already known, one which he had been unable or unwilling to examine too closely. Of course he loved the Doctor, a part of him seemed to be whispering. How could he not?

His mind was still reeling, but the shape his world was rearranging itself into was comfortingly familiar, not too different from the way things had been before. Wrenching his focus back towards the others, he found Polly giving him a knowing smile. Her expression told him his inner turmoil had been more obvious than he had hoped, and he sighed. She would be terribly smug after this, he knew, but somehow he did not mind. Turning back towards the Doctor, he made no attempt to stop a smile from spreading across his face. “Ye must have some embarrassing stories of your own, though.”

The Doctor smiled back at him, and his heart froze for a moment. Another repetition of _I love you_ filled the empty space between beats.


	5. Chapter Four

“Jamie!” The Doctor had grabbed his hand before he had even opened the door properly, pulling Jamie out of his room and along the corridors. He hurried to pull the door shut behind him, but let the Doctor pull him along.

“Good morning to you too,” he said. “Did ye even check tae see if I was dressed?”

“Oh.” The Doctor turned to look at him properly. “Good morning, Jamie.” He broke into a wide smile. “I found the book I was telling you about yesterday, the one with the records of stone circles in the area. It mentions one I haven’t heard of before, and I’d like to cross-check it.”

“And it couldnae wait until after breakfast?” Jamie tried to sound stern, but a hint of playfulness crept into his voice. “There’s no hurry.”

Perhaps there was, he thought a moment later. Perhaps the Doctor’s time was running out. As always, the thought made his heart clench. He had long since accepted that the Doctor seemed to live on a different plane of existence to everyone else, and sometimes woke him up too early in the morning, and would never love him back. But he had pushed his way into Jamie’s world and fixed it firmly on a different alignment – not like moving furniture around in a room, but like adding another star to the sky, one brighter than all the others. The way he talked made Jamie wish he could leave the Seelie court and his beloved forest, to travel with him and see the world outside, to never have to part from him. And, if Jamie was truly honest with himself, he knew that he loved him. Not just as Polly thought he did – though he wanted that too, a voice inside of him whispered – but as he loved the sea, or the sky above. It was like loving something infinite, intangible, almost frightening.

“And I think I’ll go there in a few days,” the Doctor was saying. “To see if the stones are still there. Jamie?”

“Hm?” Jamie tried and failed to remember what the Doctor had been saying. “Oh, aye, ye do what ye want.”

“Would you like to come with me?” the Doctor asked. “It’s a long way from your forest, but I think it would be worth it. I’ve heard it’s rather beautiful in the uplands.

“Alright then.” Jamie smiled at him, and the Doctor squeezed his hand, leading him into the library. “Ye just want someone tae carry your books for ye.”

“No, no, no books on this trip,” the Doctor assured him. “But I do enjoy your company.”

“Aye, I know.” Jamie’s gaze rose towards the ceiling, as he admired the way stained glass sliced through the stone, casting bright colours and strange shadows over the shelves below. The library was almost completely empty, save for a few dedicated scholars, hunched over books in the thin morning light. They cast disapproving glances over at Jamie and the Doctor, quietening them. The Doctor did not seem to mind their disapproval, but Jamie smiled apologetically. In truth, he felt more than a little out of place. The library did not feel as if it was made for people like him – but it was made for people like the Doctor, and it was his endearing enthusiasm that kept Jamie coming back. “Are ye sure ye want me to stay?”

“Don’t I always?” the Doctor said absently, already browsing through a shelf. “Oh! A book on Orcadian runes, how delightful. Do remind me to come back for that one.”

As Jamie had suspected, the Doctor wanting his company turned into guiding the Doctor around for the rest of the day, advising him on the best people to ask about his new stone circle. They barely even paused for lunch as the Doctor’s map of the surrounding area started to take shape, but Jamie could not bring himself to protest. He had grown used to the Doctor’s sudden bursts of activity, and found that he rather enjoyed himself. The Doctor was filled with an urgency and an energy that seemed out of place for the task at hand, but which Jamie found himself caught up in. They dashed around corridors and through side passages and hidden stairways that he had almost forgotten about, the Doctor holding his hand or putting an arm around his waist or shoulders. The contact made his heart skip beats in a way he tried to ignore, but he found himself surprisingly eager to push aside his own warnings.

The Doctor vanished without a word just before dinner, squeezing Jamie’s hand and slipped away. Jamie caught nothing but the faint sound of the ocean and the smell of salt as his coattails disappeared around the corner. It was hardly unusual for the Doctor to disappear without a word, he reassured himself. But the Doctor did not return, and he found himself unable to sleep, held captive in wakefulness by the concern that perhaps he had returned to the sea without a word to any of them. Perhaps he had wanted a clean break, and the stone circle had been a simple excuse to plot the next stage of his endless journey.

Surely, Jamie told himself, surely the Doctor would have said goodbye to _him_ , at least – but nowhere in any of his stories did the Doctor mention farewells. They were all meetings and brief friendships and excitement, and slipping away quietly when it was time to leave. Perhaps the joyful day they had spent together had been the Doctor’s way of saying goodbye. The thought lured Jamie out of the relative warmth of his room and onto the beach, almost without him registering it, as if he was dreaming after all. The shore was deserted, scant clouds drifting across the bright stars, the breeze cool and crisp but not unpleasantly cold, sand slipping beneath his feet in a way that was becoming so familiar to him. The landscape was less bleak at night than during the day, more ethereal, a fitting surrounding to the majesty of the Seelie court. If the Doctor was anywhere, he would be here.

Under the rustle of grass and the breaking of waves on the shore, Jamie could hear another noise, a splashing that had nothing to do with the natural tides. He slipped forwards as quietly as he could, gazing out across the sand and jagged rocks towards the moonlit water, searching for something. A small, dark shape, its head bobbing amongst the waves, twisting and turning and slipping in and out of view. One lone, windswept tree stood where the sand met the stones, and Jamie clambered into its branches, lying on his stomach along one thick bough stretching out towards the sea. He settled down to watch the Doctor playing in the ocean, waiting for him to return to land.

He had often seen seals from his forest, and knew of their grace and skill in the water. However graceful they were, he realised that selkies must be infinitely more beautiful. He had seen the Doctor swimming, too, but never like he was now. He danced alone beneath the full moon, his magic more visible than normal, flickering across the ripples in the water like it had become the sea itself. His elegance seemed strangely at odds with the clumsiness of his human form. It was entrancing, as if he was casting some fantastic spell, and for a moment Jamie wondered whether he was, and if he himself had been ensnared. It was a long time before the Doctor finally emerged from the water, skidding up onto the sand and hauling himself a few metres away from the water’s edge before transforming, shaking off his seal form like drops of water from his coat, his human form inexplicably dry. He glanced around the beach, smiled to himself, then slowly turned back towards the tree where Jamie lay concealed.

“I know you’re hiding there, you know.” Jamie had expected it, but he still jumped, nearly falling out of the tree in his alarm. Ripples of panic and embarrassment were flooding down his spine as if he was in the water himself. The Doctor’s stern expression turned to a smile, and he hurried over, reaching up towards Jamie and steadying him as he leapt from the branches. To Jamie’s surprise, the Doctor did not seen upset that he had seen him dancing. His hands rested on Jamie’s waist for longer than they needed to, and he made no attempt to shake off Jamie’s grip on his shoulders. “What were you doing up there?”

“I was -” Jamie looked away, suddenly unable to meet the Doctor’s innocently curious gaze. “I was looking for you.”

The Doctor took his hand, leading him across the beach. Jamie wondered why they were not heading back towards the court, but followed him contentedly. “Are you quite alright? It is rather late.”

“Aye, I’m alright,” Jamie reassured him, trying to gather the courage to explain himself. Best to get it over with quickly, he thought. “I was worried you’d left without saying goodbye.”

The Doctor was silent for a moment, processing this. He tapped one finger against his lips in thought. “Do you like me, Jamie?”

“What?” Jamie came to a halt, and the Doctor turned to face him, looking concerned. “Aye, of course I do! You’re -” _Wonderful_ , he thought. _Infuriating, beautiful, someone who I’ve come to care about very much in only a couple of months. All things I shouldn’t say_. “I like ye very much,” he finished weakly.

“Splendid.” As if Jamie’s answer had given him some sort of unspoken permission, the Doctor shifted his grip on Jamie’s hand to take his wrist lightly, leant in, and kissed him. Jamie let out a little ‘mmph’ of surprise, too stunned to move, let alone kiss back. His mind was whirling, trying to make sense of what the Doctor had just done. _You shouldn’t want this_ , he told himself, over and over – but his desperate attempts to clamp down the joy blossoming in his chest were silenced by his own pounding heart. Before he could decide whether or not to kiss back, the Doctor pulled away, stammering “oh – ah, Jamie, I’m – I’m sorry, have I misinterpreted -” He fell silent as Jamie looked up at him, a smile spreading uncontrollably across his face. “Oh.”

He leant in to kiss Jamie again, pulling him in by the waist. Jamie draped his arms comfortably over the Doctor’s shoulders, rubbing his back with one hand. The Doctor kissed him softly, hesitantly, and Jamie smiled against his lips. He had spent so long denying that this was what he had been hoping for, dreaming of, but now that it had become a reality he could not bring himself to bury those thoughts. This was impossible, could never work, would surely end in heartbreak, and he knew it well, and he did not care. He much preferred he real thing to his imagination, he though dazedly, rubbing his thumb over the swirling patterns embroidered on the lapels of the Doctor’s tailcoat. It was clumsy, and uncoordinated, and they were both smiling too much to kiss properly, and it was too perfect for him to care about any of that. The smell of salt water was sharp and the moonlight softened the rough edges of the world and he wondered if perhaps he was dreaming after all. The Doctor kissed him and kissed him and kissed him, as if he were drowning, or perhaps as if Jamie was the sea that his very being depended upon.

At last, the Doctor pulled back, and Jamie had to stop himself from leaning forwards to kiss him again. “I like you too,” he said breathlessly. “I like you a lot. And – well, I’ve been rather hoping I could find a time to ask -” He laughed at his own inability to explain, his magic pulsing stronger than it had even when he had been dancing amongst the waves.

“Ye wanted tae ask if we could have -” Jamie gestured between them. “This.” The Doctor beamed at him.

“Exactly!” He pulled Jamie close again, kissing him with joyful abandon, as if they were the only two people in the world. Jamie could almost have believed that they were. All that seemed to matter was their own happiness in that moment, frozen in time, crystallised, both of them pressing the memory to their hearts. “We shouldn’t,” he said, echoing Jamie’s own thoughts. There was a touch of sadness in his eyes, but he was still smiling. “I’ll have to leave, we won’t have much time -”

“I dinnae care about that.” Jamie surprised himself with the firmness of his answer. The Doctor smiled even brighter, the melancholy chased out of his expression. “We have some time, and that’ll have tae be enough.” He loosened his grip on the Doctor’s shoulders a little, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “But it’s no’ proper.”

“I’m never proper.” The Doctor pressed another soft kiss to his lips. “And it’s so very, very nice to kiss you.” He kissed Jamie again, and once more, as if for luck.

“It’s nice tae kiss ye, too.” It was Jamie’s turn to laugh now, at the sheer absurdity of what he had just said, of what they were doing. “And I’d like to kiss ye more. I’d like to kiss ye a lot, in fact. Just promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

“Promise me that this isn’t some wee game to ye, or a distraction while you’re here.” Jamie’s heart almost broke at the thought of it, but he had to be sure. “I dinnae want this if I’m just another story ye tell, Doctor, if I’m – if you’ve done this with other people before, and just left them to find someone new. I don’t want to… to not matter to ye. For ye to forget me.”

“Oh, Jamie.” The Doctor reached up, cupping Jamie’s face with both hands, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. “There’s never been anyone else. Just you. I only want this with you. And I could never forget you.”

“Good.” Jamie raised his hands to rest them over the Doctor’s, lacing their fingers together and pulling until their hands were held between their chests. The Doctor leant forwards to kiss him on the nose, chuckling when he screwed his face up. “It still isnae proper,” he insisted. “At least let me – let me court ye properly.”

“Court me?” the Doctor repeated incredulously.

“Ye know – take ye out tae dances and gatherings and things, and – an’ - win ye over.” Jamie was sure he was blushing, but the Doctor’s laughter was more delighted than derisive.

“Well, I must admit, that does sound rather fun,” he said. “But it’s getting rather cold out here, and you’re shivering. I think talk of courting will have to wait until tomorrow.”

“I’m no’ shivering,” Jamie protested, but the Doctor was already bundling him across the shore, draping his coat over his shoulders and wrapping an arm around his waist. “I’m built for this weather. And how about you?” He poked at the Doctor’s side. “Ye must be freezing, you’re only wee.”

“I am not!” the Doctor said. “I’ll have you know that I’m really rather tall amongst my people.”

“Oh, aye.” Jamie drew the words out teasingly. “Sure ye are. Come here.” He wriggled one arm out of the coat and pulled the Doctor in by the waist, tucking the coat around both of them.

When they reached the Seelie court, the Doctor spoke up again. “You know, it’s considered quite intimate for someone outside the pod to see a selkie dancing in their seal form.”

“Should I be flattered?”

“You should,” the Doctor said, smiling softly. “Well, these are my quarters. I shan’t trouble you any further.”

“Trouble me?” Jamie laughed at the very notion of it – the implication that kissing the Doctor was a bother, something that the Doctor ought to apologise for. “See ye tomorrow, then?” he added, a little awkwardly.

“Of course.” As Jamie turned away, the Doctor caught his arm, pulling him close again. Jamie cupped his face and kissed him one last time, still giddy with the novelty of it. He broke the kiss, and the Doctor rested their foreheads together, their noses brushing.

“Goodnight, Doctor.”

“Goodnight, Jamie.” The Doctor squeezed his arm affectionately and turned to disappear into his darkened room, leaving Jamie to smile after him, still hardly daring to believe that the Doctor had kissed him, that the Doctor could want this too.


	6. Chapter Five

Dawn found Jamie waiting outside the Doctor’s room, in an odd reversal of their usual routine. He held one hand poised in front of the intricately carved door, whilst the other concealed a bunch of flowers behind his back. He glanced around nervously, hoping that no one would walk down the corridor and see him standing there, looking utterly ridiculous, trying to work up the courage to knock. _Everyone will be asleep_ , he reminded himself. _They’d have to be mad to be up at this hour_. Well, perhaps he was mad himself, he thought. He had not slept much, unable to stop thinking about the fact that he had kissed the Doctor. That the Doctor had kissed him. He steeled himself, took a deep breath, and was about to knock when the door swung open.

The Doctor collided with him, sending him stumbling backwards. He looked up, blinking as if he was dazed by the blow, slowly focusing in on Jamie. “Jamie!” He beamed as if they had not seen each other for months. “What on earth are you doing here?” Jamie held out the flowers a little sheepishly, biting his lip and watching the Doctor’s expression nervously. “Picking flowers?” The Doctor glanced around, as if expecting to see flowers sprouting from the walls. “In here?”

“They’re for you, ye wee daftie,” Jamie said, taking the Doctor’s hand and closing his fingers around the bundle. “It’s a present.”

“Oh.” The Doctor peered at them bemusedly. “Why would you do that?”

“Because...” Jamie struggled to find the words for a moment. “Because I like ye?” Only when the Doctor’s expression remained blank did he realise his mistake. There were no flowers in the ocean, or at least none like this. “When your people want to do something nice for someone else, or show them that they like them, what do they do?”

“Well, it’s customary to catch fish or give each other nice stones, or pearls if you like someone very much, or – oh.” Jamie nodded. “Oh! Thank you, Jamie.” The Doctor frowned at the flowers again. “What do I do with them? Surely you can’t keep them like you can keep a stone.”

“Do ye have a vase in there?” Jamie gestured towards the Doctor’s room. “A mug, anything that can hold a wee bit of water.”

“Probably,” the Doctor mumbled, wandering back inside. Jamie followed him, taking in the piles of books and odds and ends that covered every available surface. None of the Doctor’s belongings seemed to be particularly personal, giving the room an odd sense of being both cluttered and almost uninhabited. There were no homely comforts, only books and curiosities. If he planned on leaving… Jamie did not allow himself to dwell on the thought. Whatever time they were to have together, he was determined that it would not be overshadowed by the Doctor’s future departure. He smiled as he watched the Doctor fuss with stacks of objects, his search punctuated with exclamations of “oh! I was wondering where that was.” At last, he pulled out a mug, its dark grey surface covered with a spider’s web of cracks and chips, but serviceable enough. “Will this do?”

“Aye, it’ll be fine.” Jamie took the mug from the Doctor. “Now we need water.” He moved towards the bathroom, but the Doctor tugged the mug out of his hands and placed it on the desk. Closing his eyes, he cupped his hands over it then flicked his wrists outwards, as if holding water and releasing it. To Jamie’s astonishment, water poured out from between his palms. “How did ye do that?”

“Do what?” The Doctor pushed the mug towards Jamie. “Have you never seen a water summoning before?”

“No’ one like that.” Jamie set the flowers in the mug and took the Doctor’s hands, tracing out the lines as if hoping they would reveal the secrets of his magic. “Ye didnae even use a rune, or an incantation. Most of us would, for something like that.”

“It’s a bit difficult to talk or write underwater,” the Doctor pointed out, and Jamie chuckled.

“Aye, that makes sense. Well, you’ve got your flowers.”

“Yes, I do,” the Doctor said thoughtfully. “It’s good to have something pretty in here.” He raised Jamie’s hands to his lips and kissed the backs of them, just as he had done when they had first met. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

The Doctor leant forwards and kissed him sweetly, cupping his cheek with one hand. “Good morning,” he said as he pulled back, sounding a little breathless.

“Good mornin’.” Jamie smiled back at him, still feeling dazed from the kiss. “Breakfast?”

“Always thinking of your stomach,” the Doctor chided him gently. He slipped his arm through Jamie’s and let himself be guided towards the hall. “I never asked,” he said after a moment. “I assume that when you said you wanted to court me, you were saying that you didn’t want to keep this a secret.”

“No,” Jamie said. “Well, unless ye want to.”

“Of course I don’t!” The Doctor exclaimed. “I’m not ashamed of this, you know. Far from it.”

“Good.” _There we have it, then_ , Jamie thought. _Simple as that. We’re together now._

It was far too early for the others to be there, but a few fae folk were drifting about the hall, talking quietly or eating in silence. Jamie felt a little thrill of excitement when the Doctor took his hand as they found their usual seats. It was nothing they had not done before, but now there was so much weight and meaning behind the simple action. He squeezed the Doctor’s hand, trying to communicate his happiness, and the Doctor squeezed back, leaning over to rest his head against Jamie’s shoulder. Food appeared in front of them in a swirl of magic, but the Doctor did not react.

“Aren’t ye going tae eat?” Jamie asked in surprise, clumsily attempting to manoeuvre his spoon with his free hand.

“We’ve got plenty of time,” the Doctor said absently. “And you’re so comfortable.”

“Alright then.” Jamie kissed the top of the Doctor’s head, another wave of happiness running through him. “Did ye still want tae go to that stone circle?”

“Are you coming with me?”

“I don’t know. Will I get to kiss ye?”

The Doctor raised his head, giving him a mock-scandalised look, and Jamie grinned. “Of course you won’t!” he exclaimed. Jamie laughed at his suddenly stern tone, disentangling his hand and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “The very thought of it! Weren’t you going to court me?”

“This is part of your courting,” Jamie said, leaning in to kiss him. The Doctor kissed back happily, twisting around on the bench to draw him close. Neither of them noticed that they were no longer alone until Polly was standing over them, tapping Jamie on the shoulder. He pulled back, looking up in annoyance at having been interrupted, then saw her and sprang away from the Doctor as if burnt. “Polly! What’re ye doing here?”

“Having breakfast,” she said innocently. “Why else would I be in the hall?”

“No, I mean – you’re not normally up this early.” Jamie had hoped he and the Doctor would have left for he stone circle by the time the others woke up. His tentative acceptance of his feelings for the Doctor was surely still too fragile to stand up to Polly’s enthusiasm and curiosity.

“Zoe is, sometimes,” Polly replied smugly. Zoe appeared from behind her, and Jamie groaned. “And she came and told me what she was seeing, and I told Ben and Victoria, and, well, here we are.” She glanced over at Zoe. “You win, then.”

“Win?” Jamie repeated incredulously. “What do ye mean, win?”

“We were making bets on when you two would get together,” Polly explained. “Zoe said you wouldn’t last longer than this week. “Now, tell me, who kissed who first?” Jamie kept his mouth firmly shut, crossing his arms over his chest and turning his back on Polly, but the Doctor pointed to himself, looking more than a little pleased. “Ben! How did you guess?” Jamie huffed, slumping face-down onto the table, wondering if it was possible to die of embarrassment. Maybe he would fade away into a tree in the middle of the hall, and thousands of years worth of curious young fae would be told the story.

“What’s wrong?” The Doctor put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “You said you wanted people to know.” Jamie lifted his head a little, saw Polly’s wide smile, and buried his face in his arms again. She meant well, he knew, but there were things he had to sort out in his own mind before he felt ready to face her barrage of questions. “Are you alright, Jamie?”

“Can we go now?” Jamie mumbled.

“Of course we can.” The Doctor pulled him up and out of the hall, casting a reproachful look back at their friends as they went, as if to say ‘now see what you’ve done’. “Come on, it’s a long walk.”

They walked in near silence for a long time, neither of them wanting to broach the subject of the morning’s events. The Doctor looked rather sheepish, opening his mouth as if to say something several times, but always looking away or speaking of something else. Their surroundings were lovely enough to distract Jamie, and he admired the unfamiliar landscapes, surprised by his comfort and how much he was enjoying himself. They followed winding paths through fields and along causeways marked with standing stones, holding hands even when the track was too narrow for them to walk beside each other. Eventually, the Doctor managed to pull Jamie into a spirited discussion of the history of stone circles in the area, coaxing him out of his silence.

“I am sorry about this morning, Jamie,” he said at last. “I shouldn’t have assumed that you were alright, or made it worse for you, and -”

“It’s alright,” Jamie interrupted him. “Really,” he added, seeing the Doctor’s concerned expression. “I was fine. I’m just not quite used to...” He glanced down at their joined hands. “This. It was all a bit too much.”

“Is that so?” The Doctor stopped walking, letting go of Jamie’s hand and taking him by the waist instead, pushing him back towards a stone on the edge of the path. “Would you like me to help you get used to it?”

All the expectations of the Seelie court told Jamie that he should not want this, not yet. A few weeks worth of formally accompanying the Doctor to gatherings, then a careful, safe progression to a steady relationship, that was the right way to do it. He wanted the latter, and knew that the Doctor did too, but kissing the Doctor up against a standing stone on the boundaries of the Seelie court’s territory did not seem the proper way to go about things. The Doctor’s words from the previous night echoed in his head. _I’m never proper_. Was there any point in being proper when their time together was so short?

“Aye, I would,” he said, fighting a smile. “I’d like that very much.”

The Doctor kissed him more slowly this time, lingeringly, just enjoying their closeness. Jamie kissed back without any of his prior shyness or nervousness, cupping the back of the Doctor’s head. They were both smiling again, a little too much to kiss comfortably, and Jamie pulled away, unable to hold in his laughter. The Doctor pressed forwards for another kiss, shorter this time, and another, and another.

“Did that work?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Jamie said. “Maybe you’d better do it again, just tae be sure.”

The Doctor pushed him up against the stone properly this time, running his hands up and down Jamie’s sides. Their kisses were still clumsy, their noses bumping together awkwardly, but Jamie was just beginning to settle into the rhythm of it when a jolt ran through him, making him leap away from the stone. The Doctor had clearly felt it too, and they turned in unison to see the stone lit up by a blue glow, the runes carved on it no longer eroded and faint but standing out in sharp relief. They watched it warily for a moment, fearing some explosion of magical energy, until the Doctor began to laugh.

“It’s just an enchanted stone,” he said, laying a reassuring hand on Jamie’s shoulder.

“Aye, but is it safe?” There were plenty of enchanted stones around the Seelie court, but none of the ones Jamie had encountered had ever behaved like this.

“Perfectly!” The Doctor laid his hand on the stone, changing the colour of the glow to a soft orange. “All it does is glow certain colours based on the emotions of the person who’s touching it. One of us must have touched it with our bare skin. “He frowned at it. “Stones like this aren’t very common here, though. It’s rare to see them this far south. Perhaps it’s very old, or was enchanted by some traveller.”

Flickers of mahogany were mixed with the orange now, and Jamie passed his hand through the glow curiously. It swirled around his hand and reformed in his wake, as if it were mist or smoke. “What do the colours mean?”

“That all depends on the enchanter,” the Doctor said. “It’s based on their mental and magical imprints.” He stepped away from the stone, taking Jamie’s hand again and leading him onwards down the path. “For instance, I should say that this particular stone glows blue for something like joy, or love.”

Jamie looked up to see the Doctor smiling softly at him. “Och, you’re such a sap,” he said, unable to mask the affection in his voice.

“You love it,” the Doctor replied happily. “I know you do.”

“I havenae made up my mind yet.”

The remainder of the day passed in blissful peace. Nothing seemed to exist outside of Jamie, the Doctor, the stone circle, and the brightening stars above them as they returned to the Seelie court. Jamie felt somehow freer than he could ever remember, gazing up at the sky, the Doctor holding him by the waist and pointing out constellations as they walked. He seldom ventured further beyond the Seelie court than the shore or the forest, even then staying close enough to feel the comfortable, warm hum of its magical energies, drawing in strands of enchantment from its surroundings like it was the centre of some great spider’s web. Jamie had been trapped in the very centre of it for so long, but the Doctor had somehow loosened its hold on him.

“Is this what ye always see, off on your travels?” he asked, gesturing up towards the sky with his free hand. “All this?” The tiny pinpricks of light seemed so close, wheeling through the sky as if they were dancing, and Jamie felt as if he were standing in the hall of the Seelie court once more, catching sight of the Doctor for the first time. As bright as all the stars put together.

“Sometimes,” the Doctor said. “There are things out there which aren’t beautiful, though, Jamie. Some terrible things. “You’re so sheltered here, cradled in magic and glamours, but the world out there isn’t like that at all. Some things would make even your clashes with the Unseelie seem civilised. But most of it is beautiful, yes.”

He seemed in no hurry to resume his journeys, making no mention of leaving over the next few days. Jamie followed his lead, and stopped asking how long he thought he had left. If the Doctor did not want to discuss it, he would not push the subject.


	7. Chapter Six

Jamie’s first chance to behave in the manner the Seelie court expected of him came a week later, with the announcement of a ball. Polly had told him about it with a satisfied smile, asking if he and the Doctor were going together. At the time, Jamie had quickly changed the subject to avoid answering the question, but he found he liked the thought of attending a ball with the Doctor as his partner. He would enjoy it, he thought, and the Doctor would too. And it was an easy way of making a statement about their relationship without having to broach the subject with anyone. But it still took him a few days to work up the courage to ask the Doctor, and even having made his mind up, standing determinedly outside the door to the Doctor’s room, Jamie had his doubts. If the Doctor turned him down now…

Before he could lose his nerve, he heard the Doctor call out “I know you’re there, Jamie.” Grinning sheepishly, he pushed open the door and stepped inside.

“What gave it away?”

“Nobody else walks up to my door and stays there without knocking for that length of time,” the Doctor pointed out, not glancing away from his book. He was seated at his desk, surrounded by scrolls and papers as usual, and Jamie smiled at the familiar scene. At last, the Doctor closed his book and looked up, the faraway expression softening and becoming more open and affectionate as his eyes settled on Jamie. “Hello,” he said.

“Hello,” Jamie replied, his smile widening. He stepped towards the Doctor, reaching out one hand to him, pausing just short of his face. “Can I...”

“You don’t have to ask.”

Jamie cupped the Doctor’s face properly, tilting his chin back and leaning down to kiss him. The Doctor gave a little murmur of contentment, putting his hands on Jamie’s waist and drawing him closer. Still giddy with the unfamiliarity of it all, Jamie savoured the feeling of kissing the Doctor until he found himself pulled down into his lap. “I’ll squash ye,” he protested.

“Nonsense,” the Doctor said happily. “Did you want something, or were you just sneaking into my rooms for a kiss?”

Jamie pretended to consider this for a moment. “Both,” he said, making the Doctor laugh. “There’s – well, there’s a ball being held soon.”

“Oh, how delightful!” the Doctor exclaimed. “I so enjoyed the last one.”

“It’s no’ anything as grand as that,” Jamie warned him. “It’s not for an important ceremony. But I was wondering if you’d – if we could – och, I’m no good at this.”

“Take your time,” the Doctor said comfortingly. “In the meantime -” He clasped Jamie’s hands between them, looking up at him a touch nervously. “Would you like to go with me, Jamie?”

A hurt expression spread across his face as Jamie broke down into giggles, burying his face in the Doctor’s shoulder. “Aye, ‘course I will. ‘Course I’ll go with ye.” Jamie sat upright again, running his hands across the Doctor’s shoulders and straightening the coat, smoothing over the creases. “You do realise it’s formal, don’t ye?”

“I’ll wear my other coat,” the Doctor said, still looking a little put out. “What was it that you wanted to ask?”

His obliviousness nearly sent Jamie into another fit of laughter, but he stifled it. “I was going tae ask ye to go with me,” he said. Comprehension replaced the hurt on the Doctor’s face, and he laughed too. “Wee daftie. It’s in two nights’ time. You’ve got ages tae clean your coat.”

* * *

Despite the Doctor’s excitement for he ball – and the fact that he had asked Jamie himself – Jamie could not help but feel nervous. He paced across the atrium in front of the hall, fiddling with the edges of his plaid. Polly had long since given up on calming him down, and had gone into the hall to meet Ben while Jamie stayed waiting outside. It was not as if the Doctor was late, he told himself sternly. He was probably on his way at that very moment.

He only paused in his pacing when someone laid a hand on his shoulder, making him jump and spin around to face them. The Doctor was beaming at him, the very picture of eagerness. His coat was one that Jamie had not seen before, clean and mostly free of creases, as promised. The embroidery on its lapels glinted with silver thread, the moonlight making the familiar patterns appear as if they were actually breaking on the shore. Jamie had not known that the Doctor had even owned such a coat – it seemed so much at odds with his usual scruffiness. Even his hair was combed and forced into some semblance of neatness.

The Doctor leant forwards and kissed him, ignoring the swarms of people parting around them to enter the hall. “You look -” He looked Jamie up and down, one hand moving from his shoulder down to his chest, tracing out the line of his plaid. “You look beautiful.”

“Och, dinnae be daft,” Jamie protested. He gestured to the Doctor. “So, ye do have another coat.”

“Of course I do!” the Doctor said indignantly. “Would I lie to you?”

“Just one thing.” Jamie reached up to ruffle the Doctor’s hair, teasing it back into its usual mess. It sprung back into its usual nest of salty curls almost eagerly. “Suits ye better.”

“You always complain about my hair. I thought you’d like it.”

“I do complain, but I wouldnae really want ye any other way.” Jamie kissed his forehead affectionately, and the Doctor smiled. “Shall we go in?”

They managed to weave their way through the crowds towards Polly and Ben, and found them standing with Victoria. This would be the first gathering she had attended since her father had died, Jamie realised. There was a touch of skittishness in her expression and in the way her magic danced around her, but she seemed to be enjoying herself, and he was pleased for her. He was still surprised by the amount of life the Doctor had managed to coax back into her.

“Are Zoe and Isobel coming?” he asked Polly.

“They’re dancing,” she said, gesturing towards them. Jamie caught a glimpse of them as the crowds shifted. “Are you going to ask the Doctor for a dance?”

Jamie knew Polly was expecting him to say no, and enjoyed the surprise on her face when he glanced up at the clock. “We might have time for a dance before it’s my turn to play.” He held out his hand to the Doctor. “Coming?” The Doctor took his hand, looking delighted.

“I didn’t think you’d agree to dance so readily,” he said, sounding surprised.

“Why not?” Jamie was aware that a few people were watching them curiously as they took up their positions on the dance floor, but he ignored them, focusing in on the Doctor. “I enjoyed dancing with ye last time.” He grinned. “Besides, it was worth it tae catch Polly off-guard.”

“Well, I’m glad you did.” They spiralled apart, other people moving between them. Jamie smiled at Zoe as he passed her, then peered over the crowd, looking for the Doctor. Taking each other’s hands again, they whirled back together. “I’d have filled up our dance cards, if I could.”

“Aye, I know. What will ye do when I’m playing?”

“I thought I might ask Victoria for a dance.” They pressed close together, the Doctor stealing a quick kiss and beaming when Jamie’s cheeks reddened. “She was so looking forward to the ball, it would be a shame if she didn’t get a turn.”

“Aye, I think she’d enjoy that.” Jamie found himself too caught up in the dance to care that the Doctor had just kissed him in front of the entire hall. Everything seemed so easy now people’s speculations had become the truth.

“Will you dance with me again afterwards?” the Doctor asked hopefully.

Caught up in the thrill of the dance and the freedom of being with the Doctor, Jamie beamed back at him. “As many times as ye like.”

* * *

Everything had been so perfect, Jamie thought bitterly. He should have known it could not last. The Doctor had only left for a minute, kissing Jamie’s cheek and going to fetch them drinks. He told himself that the words of two complete strangers should not have affected him so much, but that could not stop the cold curl of hurt and worry from settling in his stomach.

 _“Now, selkies, they’re utterly untrustworthy. I can’t imagine why someone would want to be with one of_ those.”

_“Have you ever met one?”_

_“No, but everyone knows the stories._

“Are you alright?” Jamie had not even heard the Doctor approach, lost as he was in his own thoughts. He leant instinctively into the kiss the Doctor pressed to his temple, but still found that he could not regain his earlier peace and contentment. “Jamie? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he lied, turning to the Doctor and smiling.

“If you’re sure.” The Doctor was still looking at him worriedly, and Jamie leant in to kiss the expression away.

“Aye, I’m sure.” The Doctor seemed reassured, and Jamie hoped he would leave the subject alone. “Where are the others?”

“Over here.” The Doctor took his sleeve, pulling him away from the centre of the hall. “I’m sorry I took so long, I bumped into a rather interesting visitor and had to stop and ask them something -”

Jamie tried to listen to the Doctor’s chatter about star charts and planets and sea navigation, but found himself unable to focus, dwelling on what he had overheard. He knew the stories himself, of course. Selkies were dangerous, or so some people said. They would drag their lovers to the bottom of the ocean at the first opportunity, forcing to pine away for the surface for the rest of their days, or would leave them weeping and broken on the shore. _But the Doctor's different_ , Jamie thought. _Even if he has to leave, he’ll write. We can still have something. He wouldn’t do that to me._

_Would he?_

* * *

“Something’s been bothering you,” the Doctor announced over breakfast a week later. Jamie recognised his tone, and sighed. It was the one he used when he had made some discovery and was intent on finding out what it meant, no matter how long it took. “You’ve been distant since the ball.”

“I’m fine,” Jamie insisted.

“Jamie, please.” The Doctor took his hands, gazing up at him with wide eyes, looking for all the world like a pleading child. “Talk to me.”

“Stop it,” Jamie said. He tried to sound stern, but eventually grinned and wrapped his arm around the Doctor’s shoulders. “Ye know I cannae say no to that face. That’s how ye got those biscuits yesterday.”

The Doctor gave a little hum of contentment as he settled in against Jamie’s side, dropping the facade of sadness. “Lucky I’d only ever use my powers for good, then. So, are you going to tell me?”

He had to know, Jamie thought. He had to be certain of the Doctor’s intentions, or their relationship would be plagued by his doubts for the rest of their time together. “Can I ask ye something, then? And I want ye to tell me the truth.”

“Of course.” The Doctor’s worried expression returned, more genuine this time.

Jamie took a deep breath, steeling himself for any possible answer the Doctor might give. “Do ye care about me?”

“Care about you?” For a moment, Jamie’s hopes were shattered by the disbelief in the Doctor’s voice. “Of course I care about you, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. And I told you that, when – when I kissed you.”

“Aye, I know.” Jamie touched the Doctor’s shoulder, fingers curling against the fur of his coat. “But… I dinnae mean tae be rude, but ye _are_ a selkie.”

“Oh.” The Doctor shifted away, drawing his coat more tightly around himself, and Jamie knew that he was hurt. “I see. You’re worried I’ll carry you away to the bottom of the ocean.”

“Not exactly. I dinnae think you’d go that far.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” The Doctor sighed heavily. Jamie felt a pang of regret, realising that he had struck at a nerve which had been paining the Doctor for some time. “Jamie, my people hardly have the best reputation as – well, for their long term relationships. But does that mean we can’t try?” Jamie was silent for a long moment, considering this. “Jamie? I haven’t, ah, misread the situation have I? That is, you haven’t changed your mind about wanting -”

“You’ll leave eventually,” Jamie said quietly.

“I don’t know,” the Doctor admitted. Jamie stared at him, taken aback. The Doctor had never before expressed any doubt that he would continue his travels. “I’ve never stayed in one place for so long before. Perhaps it’s a little different here, with all the magic around us. But it can’t entirely block out the call home. Unfortunately, I’ve always been a little more susceptible to it. I’ve never been able to go very far from the shore. I don’t know how long I can resist it.”

“Do ye want to stay?” That mattered more than anything, Jamie thought. If the Doctor wanted to stay, then he would find a way to do it.

The Doctor thought about it for a moment. “I like you,” he said slowly. “Very much. And all our friends. And I like it here. There’s places I can travel to, places I’ve never been. I could be happy here, I think.” He got up rather suddenly, hurrying out of the hall, leaving Jamie to trot along in his wake. “You might have noticed that I’ve been spending rather more time in the library of late.”

“No’ really,” Jamie said. “You’re always in the library.”

The Doctor huffed. “I’ve been working on something,” he continued. “The library has a number of books on selkie lore and magic in the back rooms. I’m looking for something to break the pull back to the sea.”

“Break it?” Jamie repeated. “So ye can stay here?”

“I’ve been looking through every library I come across for years now,” the Doctor said. “I wanted to explore inland, and I was tired of being held back by instinct.” He glanced over at Jamie, smiling. “But I can’t deny that I’ve started to search more actively in the past few weeks.”

“Do ye think it’s possible?” Jamie asked eagerly.

The Doctor pulled him into the library, bypassing the main shelves without a second glance and bounding up the stairs into the specialist sections. Settling himself at a desk piled high with books, he rifled through some of them. “No, I don’t,” he said at last. “No book I’ve ever found has given me any hope. If it’s ever happened, nobody’s written about it. I suspect I’ll have to leave, and it would be seven years before I’d even be able to leave the sea again, let alone my pod.” He spat the last few words out, as if disgusted by his own nature. “But I wanted to show you what I’ve done, so you wouldn’t doubt that I don’t want to leave you.”

Jamie kissed his forehead. “Thank ye.” Despite the Doctor’s hopelessness, he found himself reassured. The Doctor had never spoken so openly about his ties to his home before, and for the first time Jamie felt as if he understood his situation, the hurt it had caused him, the dream he had chased for so long now. The Doctor’s expression told Jamie that it had pained him to talk about it. He needed to be alone with his books for a while. “I said I’d go and meet Polly this morning,” he said at last. “I’ll see ye later, aye?”

“Yes, of course.” The Doctor looked almost relieved at the prospect, and Jamie turned to leave. “Jamie?”

“Mm?”

“If...” The Doctor wrung his hands nervously. “In the event that I do find a way out of this, I want to stay. With you.”

Jamie smiled. “I know.” The Doctor’s confession of what he was doing had given him all the understanding he needed. “I hope ye find what you’re looking for.”

He left the library with a spring in his step, and dangerous hopes for the future growing in his heart.


	8. Chapter Seven

“Are you _sure_ it’s safe for me to go in there?” the Doctor asked, looking up at the towering pine trees in trepidation.

“Perfectly,” Jamie replied, squeezing his hand reassuringly. He had to admit that the Doctor did look very small compared to the trees, grown tall and broad with magic, but that was no reason for him to be nervous. The Doctor had given him an insight into his world in the library, and he had thought to return the favour, but it had taken weeks to convince him to step into the forest. Perhaps they should have picked a less overcast day, he thought, when the forest was brighter and more welcoming.

“You _are_ a forest fae,” the Doctor pointed out. “This isn’t my world.”

“I’ll be with ye. Come on, I thought ye wanted tae explore further away from the shore.”

The Doctor glanced around them nervously and took a hesitant step towards the trees. When nothing appeared from the depths of the forest to attack him, he took another step, and another, until he stood at the gnarled wooden archway. The path before him stretched away into darkness. “It’s not at all like a kelp forest,” he said.

“Come on, ye wee daftie.” Jamie took his hand and led him through the archway. “You’re acting like a bairn. There’s nothing here that would eat ye.”

“Are you sure?” A rabbit darted across the path, and the Doctor followed its motion with wide eyes.

“’Course I am. And if there is -” Jamie drew his knife a little way from its sheath at his belt. “It willnae even touch ye.”

The Doctor looked disapproving, but huddled closer to him. “You’d hurt something in your own forest? I thought you had to protect it.”

Jamie shrugged. “It’s no more than what any other threatened creature would do, if it could. I’m a part of all that too, ye know.”

I suppose so.” A flock of shrieking birds took flight, and the Doctor flinched. “I thought it was rather more like me protecting the seals.”

Despite his misgivings, the Doctor relaxed after Jamie’s promise of protection, glancing over his shoulder only when the archway disappeared behind a twist in the path. His curiosity was getting the better of him, and he flitted around from flower to bush to tree as if he was a forest spirit himself, Jamie hurrying to catch up with him. Even after all his reassurances, he could not help the little flutter of panic in his chest every time the Doctor vanished around a corner or into a thicket. His own magic was settling back into its home, whispering promises that he was held securely in the cradle of the trees, but the Doctor was not afforded the same protection.

“Oh!” The Doctor peered back around one such turn in the path, and Jamie breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s your flowers!”

“My flowers?” Jamie hurried over to see what he had found. “Ye shouldn’t go wandering off like that.”

“They’re like the ones you gave me,” the Doctor said, beaming proudly. “Really, Jamie, you shouldn’t worry so much. It’s not like we can run into trouble here, is it?” There was no trace of his prior hesitancy, and Jamie sighed.

“I’m starting tae think ye could find trouble anywhere, from all your stories,” he muttered, kneeling down to examine the flowers. “They’re not the ones I gave ye. These are forget-me-nots.”

“Nevermind.” The Doctor reached down to pluck one, tucking it securely behind Jamie’s ear. “ _Now_ it’s your flower.”

Jamie picked another, still a bud, and handed it to the Doctor. “Now it’s yours, too.”

The Doctor took it, looking confused. “But it’s not -” Cupping his hands over the flower, Jamie closed his eyes until he felt a little tingle of magic between his palms. When he lifted his hands away, the flower was in full bloom. The Doctor gave a little ‘oh’, staring at the flower in awe. “Thank you, Jamie.”

“You’re welcome.” Jamie guided the Doctor’s hands up to tuck the flower behind his ear, then kissed his cheek, smiling more widely at the Doctor’s bashful expression.

They carried on along the path, Jamie pointing out plants as he went, the Doctor listening attentively. Just as he was beginning to relax entirely, the Doctor yelped and darted behind him, peeking over his shoulder. ‘What’s that?”

Jamie had grasped the hilt of his knife automatically at the Doctor’s cry, but when he looked up he loosened his grip and started to laugh. The Doctor frowned at him, clearly understanding that his fears were unfounded, and Jamie patted his hand reassuringly. “Dinnae tell me you’ve never seen a deer before?” A dark shape was peering at him from amongst the trees, and Jamie stepped forwards, holding out his hand to it.

“I just didn’t recognise it,” the Doctor protested. “I thought they were smaller.”

“Aye, they are in other places. Fae forest, remember?” Jamie reached out to the deer again, crouching down and beckoning her forwards. “Come and meet her.” The Doctor stepped forwards slowly, kneeling behind him, hands on Jamie’s shoulders as if for comfort. “Here.” Jamie took his hand, holding it out to the deer, and grinned at his little surprised noise when her muzzle brushed against his palm. “There ye are. Nothing to worry about.”

* * *

“I did enjoy that,” the Doctor announced excitedly as they stood outside the door to Jamie’s rooms. “Will you take me there again?”

“Of course I will.” Jamie ruffled the Doctor’s hair, smoothing it down where it stood on end, only for it to spring back up again. Sometimes it felt like he spent half his time trying to tame the Doctor’s sea salt tangles. “I just wanted to do something for ye after what ye told me about your research.”

“Well, I’m very grateful,” the Doctor said softly. “You know, I don’t think I thought about the sea all afternoon.”

Jamie’s heart leapt in his chest. “Does that mean you’re getting somewhere? You're breaking the bond?”

“I don’t know.” The Doctor was silent for a moment, wringing his hands, before leaning up for a kiss. “Goodnight, Jamie.”

“Goodnight, Doctor.” Jamie watched him disappear around the corner, suddenly struck by a wish to not have to say goodbye. “Doctor?”

“Hmm?” The Doctor turned back to him. “Did you need something?”

“Do ye want tae stay here tonight?” Jamie blurted it out without even thinking about it, but he scarcely had time to worry that he had been too forward before a wide smile spread across the Doctor’s face.

“Are you sure?”

“Aye, of course I am.”

“I’d, ah, I’d love to.” The Doctor let himself be ushered into Jamie’s room, looking around curiously. He had only caught glimpses through the door before, and Jamie watched him take it all in with a touch of nervousness. His eyes flickered over the leaves hung from the bed canopy, the fireplace, Jamie’s dissembled pipes on the desk. A smile played on the edge of his lips as he caught sight of old antler marks carved into the packed earth ceiling. “You’ve got a splendid view.” He wandered over to the window, unlatching it and pushing the little circle of glass outwards so he could poke his head out.

“Aye, I’m lucky.” Jamie crossed the room to stand beside him, looking out over his shoulder. “I like tae be able to see the forest. Ye can see my tree from here, look.”

“Mm. And my ocean,” the Doctor added. “I envy you, you know. That the view of your place is enough.”

“Hey.” Jamie tapped the Doctor’s shoulder, making him turn away from the window. “Dinnae waste your time thinking about it. Not tonight.”

“Yes, you’re right.” The Doctor yawned widely. “Hm. An early night for me, I think.”

Jamie had imagined sleeping beside the Doctor many times, but faced with the reality of it – the Doctor’s head resting on his chest, his arm around his waist – he could hardly remember any of his expectations. The Doctor seemed so very small without his coat and baggy shirts, more like a fragile bird than a blubbery seal, and Jamie felt as if he might hurt him if he held him too tightly.

“Jamie?” The Doctor reached out to take his hand, lacing their fingers together securely as if afraid of losing him, of one of them drifting away in the night.

“Aye?”

“I love you.”

“Oh.” Jamie thought about this for a moment, trying to wrap his head around the Doctor’s admission. He had known, of course. Some deep part of himself had known since the start. The Doctor’s determination to find a way to stay with him could only have been borne out of love. But he had hardly expected the Doctor to admit it. “I know.”

“I realise it hasn’t been long.” The Doctor sounded nervous, and somehow, through his confused mess of surprise and happiness and hope and fear, Jamie managed to smile at it. “And I never expected you to return – well, I just thought you should know,” he finished weakly.

At last, Jamie managed to untangle his thoughts and say what he needed to. “I love ye too.”

Now it was the Doctor’s turn to fall silent, blinking up at Jamie. “Do you?” When Jamie nodded, he broke into a bright smile and pushed himself up the bed for a kiss. “Mm. You’d better get some sleep for tomorrow.”

“Why? Are we going somewhere?” Jamie wrapped his arm around the Doctor’s waist as he settled back against his chest, hugging him close.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“A good surprise?”

“My surprises are always good.” The Doctor sounded offended, but Jamie heard the smile in his voice, and knew he did not mean it. “Goodnight, Jamie.”

“Goodnight, Doctor.”

Jamie was so close to sleep that he almost missed it, a tiny, sad whisper in the darkness, sounding so lonely it almost broke his heart. He was sure the Doctor had not meant for him to hear, and stopped himself from responding, even when it pained him.

“I love you, and I’m so sorry.”

* * *

When Jamie awoke, the room was still in semi-darkness, the moonlight streaming in from his small window lighting the scene eerily. He rolled over, vaguely remembering the events of the previous evening, and reached out towards the Doctor, but his hand met only cold sheets. He was alone.

Sitting up, he drew the blankets close around him. He had hardly expected the Doctor to leave without a word, especially not after – he smiled at the memory, at the freedom of having told the Doctor that he loved him. But that little bubble of warmth and security had burst. The Doctor had left him in the middle of the night, like he regretted it, or like he did not care at all.

The window was still unlatched, blowing open in a soft gust of wind, and Jamie got up to close it. The chill air cut through his thin shirt easily, and he shivered. Before he could latch the window properly, his eyes caught on the Doctor’s fur coat, folded neatly on an armchair, and the cold clench of fear in his chest settled. The Doctor never went anywhere without his coat, but he had trusted Jamie enough to leave it here. He was coming back. Jamie crossed the room, making as if to pick the coat up, then paused. The Doctor’s coat was a vital part of his very being. Did he have a right to touch it? The window blew open again, this time with a colder gust of air.

He emerged from the Seelie court with the coat bundled tightly into his arms. As he had suspected, there was a small, dark figure sitting alone on the rocks. Jamie wrapped his plaid more tightly around himself against the biting chill of the wind and headed across the shore to join the Doctor.

He jumped when Jamie put his hand on his shoulder, but smiled when he recognised him. There was a touch of wistful sadness in his expression, though he quickly tried to mask it. “Did I wake you?” he asked, turning his eyes back to the sea.

“No,” Jamie said. He held up the coat. “I thought ye might be cold, that’s all.”

“Oh.” The Doctor smiled at him, and Jamie draped the coat over his shoulders. “That’s very considerate of you, Jamie.”

“Ye dinnae mind if I -”

“Of course not.” The Doctor shifted over a little as if making room for him, meaningless though it might be on the empty expanse of the beach. “I’d, ah, I’d be glad of your company.”

“Ye must be freezing,” Jamie scolded him gently. “Come here.” He slipped his plaid around the Doctor’s shoulders, cocooning them together. “You’re not going tae be able to stay, are ye?”

“It’s not as simple as I’d like it to be.” The Doctor gestured towards the ocean. “The call home – it’s not just to the sea, it’s back to the other selkies, to my pod. To my _family_. It’s a call I don’t want to answer – that’s why I left to travel in the first place. They’ll probably welcome me back, if a little coolly, but it’ll be harder for me to get away this time.” He sighed heavily, bowing his head. “I don’t want to go back at all. I want to keep travelling, I want -” He looked up at Jamie with huge, pleading eyes. “I want to stay with you. And our friends. You’re more of a family than they are.”

“I’ll come with ye,” Jamie suggested, knowing he sounded more than a little desperate. “And ye can – ye can stay there for a while, and then we can go travelling together. If you’ll have me.”

“Oh, Jamie.” The Doctor rested his head against Jamie’s shoulder wearily. “I’d like that more than anything. But it would kill you, you know it would. You were never meant to live under the sea, you’d pine away for the surface. I could never do that to you. It’s selfish enough of me to love you in the first place. I kissed you and told you I wanted this knowing full well that it would break both of our hearts.”

“And I kissed ye back, and it was worth it.” Jamie leant his head against the Doctor’s, gripping his hands tightly. “When ye go – don’t forget me.”

“I won’t. Don’t forget me, either.”

“Never.”


	9. Chapter Eight

The water lapped at Jamie’s feet, tame enough to make his apprehension seem almost laughable, but the crash of the waves on the rocks some distance away put things back into perspective. “Ye cannae be serious.”

“Of course I’m serious.” The Doctor wrapped his coat around himself, not guarding against the cold this time, but preparing for his transformation. “It’s, ah, lovely and brisk.”

Jamie shivered at the thought, despite his normal pride in being immune to the cold. “What if something down there eats me?”

“It won’t. You’d have to be quite some distance away from the Seelie court for things to want to eat people like us.” The Doctor took his hand and tugged hard, making Jamie stumble forwards a step, splashing into the water. He sprang back as if he were a cat, unused to the salt of the ocean stinging and seeping into his skin. “It’s quite safe, Jamie.”

“I cannae swim,” Jamie protested. “The Doctor looked astonished. “I’ve never had cause to, ye ken. None of the streams in the forest are deep enough. And why would I bother with things under the ocean?” He grinned. “Besides you, that is.”

“You said I was silly for not wanting to go into your forest.” The Doctor stepped closer to him, assuming a pleading, puppyish expression. “Please, Jamie. You took me there, and now I want to take you down to my place.”

Jamie cast one last apprehensive glance at the waves, then sighed. “Aye, alright.” His expression softened. “Seeing as it means so much to ye.”

“Splendid.” The Doctor took a fistful of his shirt and pulled him close, kissing him. “Come along, now.”

“What was that for?”

“Oh, well – you’ll see,” the Doctor said, gesturing vaguely. Before Jamie had a chance to press him further, there was a swirl of coat and fur and tail, and a seal had dived into the ocean, turning in a wave of flippers and sliding back up the beach to nudge at his ankles impatiently.

“Aye, alright, I’m going,” Jamie said, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. The Doctor snorted and shifted form again.

“No need for that,” he said, taking Jamie by the wrist and pulling him further in. “Come on, come on, the water’s lovely!”

This time, the Doctor’s transformation knocked Jamie forwards into deeper water. He landed on all fours, the waves lapping at his chest, and pulled a face at the taste of salt water splashing into his mouth. The Doctor gave a loud honk of laughter, and he frowned at him.

“Wheesht ye,” he scolded playfully. “Or I’ll shove ye in yourself.”

The Doctor slipped away, splashing Jamie’s face with his tail as he went, and Jamie stumbled after him clumsily. Now that he was in the water, it did not seem quite so frightening, with the Doctor’s whiskers tickling at his sides and the sand seeming fairly secure beneath him. His clothes felt oddly light, as if something was shielding them from being weighed down by the water. Just as he was starting to feel safe, the ground dropped away beneath him, and he was left floundering in the water. The Doctor let out a little honk of surprise, turning back towards him to support him. Jamie wrapped his arms around the Doctor’s neck, gasping for breath when his head broke the surface.

“Not so harmless as ye said, then,” he said. The Doctor swam off with a flick of his flippers, almost leaving Jamie behind. “Hey! Not so fast.” He breathed a sigh of relief when his feet met with solid ground again, but did not loosen his hold on the Doctor’s neck. “I’m fine.” The Doctor wriggled around to snuffle at his face, whiskers tickling his cheeks now, and Jamie batted him away gently. “Really.” The Doctor was giving him a disbelieving look, and Jamie pushed off into the deeper water again, as if to demonstrate.

He managed to keep himself above the water for a brief moment before a wave washed over him, filling his mouth with water. The salt burnt his throat more than it had hurt his skin, and he tried to kick out towards the surface to breathe. The wave had tumbled him over, and he could not get his bearings, unsure if the surface was up or down and in too much pain to attempt to open his eyes. He felt the crash of a wave somewhere nearby, but he could not tell where. Surely the water could not be that deep – if he could only find the sea floor and figure out which way was up – if he could only push himself up and take a breath of air – if he could only reach the Doctor –

Arms slipped around his waist, and he felt himself being lifted up, the rush of cold air on his face. He spat the water out of his mouth, coughing, and pushed his hair aside to blink up at the Doctor’s face. Panic was sparking in his eyes, but he quickly tried to hide it.

“My word, Jamie,” he was saying. Jamie struggled to concentrate on his voice. He felt hazy, as if his mind had been filled with water as well as his mouth. “You really can’t swim, can you?” He thumped on Jamie’s back, bringing up more water. “Still, you did admirably.”

“I almost _drowned_ ,” Jamie said weakly.

“But you didn’t. That’s always a good start.” Jamie pulled a face at him, making him chuckle. “You were never in any real danger, you know. I would have reached you before anything could happen. Got your breath?” Jamie nodded. “Splendid. Hold tight, now.”

“What – where are we -” Jamie felt the swirl of the Doctor’s transformation beside him, and only just managed to take a hold of him before he whisked back out into the deeper water. He did not even have time to protest that he needed to breathe more than the Doctor did before they plunged underwater, and he buried his face in the Doctor’s smooth fur, squeezing his eyes shut. It was a long moment before he dared to relax and open his eyes experimentally. To his surprise, there was no pain, just an impossibly vast landscape unfolding before him, filled with sand and seaweed and tiny, darting fish. He was able to see perfectly clearly, he realised, and he did not seem to need to breathe. The Doctor had given him some gift when he kissed him on the shore.

The Doctor swam on for what seemed like a long time, propelling them forwards with effortless flicks of his flippers, never appearing to tire. Jamie found himself transfixed by the liveliness of the scene before him. From the surface, the sea had always looked inhospitable and empty, but now he felt he could understand the beauty that the Doctor spoke of. They came to a halt as the sea floor sloped away them more steeply, the sand stretching down into deep blackness. As Jamie’s eyes adjusted, he saw larger shapes moving in the darkness, and shivered, pressing himself closer to the Doctor. His earlier admiration and confidence vanished. They were surely far beyond the ninth wave from the shore, well out of the Seelie court’s closest protection. Perhaps the Doctor had been right to say that Jamie’s place was not underwater, but in the sunny forest. A sudden, aching longing for leaves rustling around him and the comforting familiarity of the trees struck him, and he wondered whether this was what the Doctor felt all the time, a bone-deep desire for home.

“Is that where your home is?” he asked when they rose to the surface once more. “All the way out there?”

“Further away than that,” the Doctor replied distantly. “But not so deep down.” He hesitated. “Did you enjoy it, being down there?”

Jamie nodded slowly. “Aye. Aye, I think so. I wouldnae like tae meet any of those beasties living in the deep, though.”

To his surprise, the Doctor shivered. “Neither would I. You were right, you know. The ocean can be terribly dangerous if you’re not careful.”

* * *

The crackle of burning wood seemed disproportionately loud in the quietness of the darkened shore, embers rising into the air like the stars that were fading into view over the ocean. The Doctor followed their motion with his eyes, as if he wished to go with them, to fly away to wherever the wind carried him. Jamie reached over to take his hand, bringing him back to earth, grounding him, feeling the Doctor’s attention shift to centre on him.

“Will ye tell me about your home?” he asked quietly.

“Oh, Jamie, it’s been so long.” The Doctor stretched out, frowning up at the sky. “I’m not sure if I can properly satisfy your curiosity.” He smiled softly, caught in a memory. “I remember there was always music. Everywhere we went, the selkie songs echoed through the water and on the beaches, sometimes for days afterwards, like they’d been caught on the kelp and the stones. Small pods like mine don’t usually build houses, you know. Not like your root system of corridors and rooms for every fae. We dance on the shore under the moonlight, and spend the night there. Just a night and we’re gone, but the song always stays behind. Once or twice I’ve heard it still echoing when we came back months later. We keep our memories in songs, not in books.” He glanced at Jamie. “It’s very beautiful down there. We never live so deep that the sunlight doesn’t reach us.”

“If it’s so beautiful, then don’t ye ever miss it?”

The Doctor’s smile faded. “The places are beautiful, but I found the life colourless. Would you want to endlessly cycle through the same places, over and over, going up to dance on the same shores night after night for your whole life? I wanted to know what the rest of the world was like.”

“Aye, I cannae imagine you being stuck somewhere forever.” Jamie tucked a stray curl of hair behind the Doctor’s ear. “One day you’d get bored of here, too, if ye stayed.” He did not say _you’ll get bored of me_ , but it hung in the air between them, no less clearly heard for being.

“The world’s so much bigger here,” the Doctor pointed out. “I’d still travel, but I’d bear no resentment about returning. There was no compromising with my pod. You either gave them your whole heart, or you left.” He squeezed Jamie’s hand, his answer to the unspoken question equally silent but no less obvious. “I should have come here sooner. Then we would have had more time.”

“Ye couldn’t have known,” Jamie said. “Hey.” He reached one hand up towards the Doctor’s face, brushing at his eyes. “Dinnae greet, now.”

“I’m not crying,” the Doctor mumbled. “The wind blew the smoke towards me.” He settled himself more comfortably against Jamie’s side. “Will you teach me a song of your people? I want to put the memory of you into it.”

“Aye, alright.” Jamie wrapped his arm around the Doctor’s shoulders. “There’s one that takes two people tae sing...”


	10. Chapter Nine

Spring arrived quickly and with little warning, overtaking the mild winter and blanketing the forests and fields of the Seelie court in blossoms almost before the changing of the seasons had been noted in the library’s ancient record books. The warmer weather seemed to bring new vigour to the Doctor, easing the pain of his homesickness – or perhaps it was the arrival of a brace of seal pups, tiny and fragile and in need of his watchful eye to guard against predators and drowning. He spent much of his time sitting with them while the mothers hunted or slept, and Jamie found himself folded into this new and unfamiliar pattern. When he was not watching over his own charges, the budding flowers of the forest, he was sitting with the Doctor, guarding the pups. The mothers were a little wary of him, but tolerated his presence after a few stern warnings from the Doctor.

“Maybe this is the way to break the call of the sea,” he said to the Doctor one morning. “Keeping yourself busy here.” He nodded down towards the seal pups clustered around them. “They need ye.”

“I think it’ll take something bigger than that,” the Doctor said. He did not give his usual sad smile at the mention of having to return to the sea, being occupied with smiling fondly down at the pups. One of them yawned widely, squeaking at him. “Is that so?” A moment later, the Doctor yawned in response. “You know, I think that little fellow has the right idea. You can watch them for a while, can’t you, Jamie?”

Jamie glanced around at the mother seals nervously. Most of them were asleep themselves, but a few were eyeing him cautiously. “Watch them?” he repeated.

“Mm. I expect they’ll be asleep soon. They won’t give you any trouble.” Before Jamie could protest, the Doctor had bundled himself into his coat, transforming and closing his eyes.

Huffing, Jamie drew the pups as close as he dared. “You’ll do as the Doctor says and be good for me, won’t ye?” The pups blinked up at him, a picture of perfect innocence. “Good.” He leant back against the rocks, dutifully scanning the skies for birds. A few gulls were circling overhead, but they posed no real threat, being more occupied with fish than with seals. They would occasionally bother the Doctor when he was alone on the beach, but he doubted they would be bold enough to pester pups in the middle of the colony. The Doctor snuffled contentedly, one flipper waving in the air. True to the Doctor’s word, the pups dropped off to sleep one by one, chirping and mumbling happily to themselves. Jamie pulled them closer a little anxiously. The seals accepted him only reluctantly as it was. If he lost one of their babies…

The sun was beginning to sink lower in the sky, and Jamie leant against the Doctor, most of the pups still bundled between them contentedly. A few of the mothers had returned from fishing trips, wandering up the beach to nuzzle their pups or nose them across the beach before settling down to sleep themselves. Jamie was watching one of the pups that had been removed from his care a little curiously. Its mother was fast asleep, but it was still wriggling around excitedly, having had enough of napping. The Doctor shifted in his sleep, and Jamie scratched idly at his stomach, settling him.

A weak cry from halfway across the colony made him look up, scanning the seals anxiously, trying to find the source of the distress. His heart clenched at the realisation that it had come from the pup he had been watching before. It had wandered too close to the water’s edge and was caught amongst the waves, still too small and weak to fight even the gentlest of them. “Doctor!” He pushed at the Doctor’s side, trying to wake him. The other pups were stirring, but the Doctor simply flicked his tail irritably, shaking himself as if warding off a fly. “Doctor! Wake up!”

The Doctor was not going to wake up in time, he realised. The mother was only now stirring, pulled from her deep sleep by the cries of her pup and still sluggish and dazed. There was nobody else to help the struggling pup. Jamie pushed the pups by his side closer to the Doctor and rushed towards the water, ignoring the seals snapping irritably at him. The pup was slipping up and down the shore, buffeted to and fro by the waves, and Jamie struggled to get a good grip on it. The mother was hauling herself across the beach, bellowing encouragement to the pup and warning at Jamie, clearly seeing him as a threat. At last, Jamie managed to grasp the pup, lifting it out of the water and into his arms, cradling it gently. It was shaking, squealing and wriggling in his arms, and he rubbed its fur and murmured soothing reassurances to it as he carried it back to its mother.

“There ye go,” he said, settling the pup down by its mothers side and ruffling the fur on its head. “Keep a closer eye on him next time.”

“Jamie!” The Doctor clapped him on the shoulder, smiling broadly, though there was a touch of panic in his eyes. “Well done,” he said breathlessly. “If you hadn’t been there -” He knelt down beside the mother and pup, exchanging a few quiet noises with the mother and checking the pup over. “He’s fine,” he announced. “Cheeky little thing. Don’t go wandering away from your mother again.” The pup still looked terrified. Jamie doubted that he was going to be causing trouble again any time soon.

“What about the other pups?” Jamie asked.

“Oh, sound asleep again.” The Doctor pointed back to the bundle of sleeping pups by their rock. One of them waved a flipper in the air lazily. Some of the mothers were making their way over to retrieve their pups, alarmed by the commotion, but others were crowding around Jamie to sniff at him curiously. “Oh!” The Doctor laughed, looking around at the gathering seals. “You know, Jamie, I think they like you.”

* * *

They moved a little further up the beach as the sun sank lower in the sky, the Doctor slipping off into the water to catch them a fish for dinner while Jamie lit a fire. He leant back against the beach’s lone, wiry tree as he waited for the Doctor, scanning the fire-touched wavelets for a smaller shape amongst the bobbing heads of the seals. The sun was just dipping below the horizon, casting a great, reddened path across the ocean. One seal slid onto the shore, shaking itself and standing up in human form, and he smiled, waving to the Doctor.

“The fishing’s good,” the Doctor called to him. “I tipped off a few of the seals. They’ll eat well tonight, I think.” He strung the fish over the fire, settling down next to Jamie. “Can I kiss you?”

“Do ye taste like fish?” Jamie teased. He kissed the Doctor briefly, pulling a mock-disgusted face when he pulled away.

“Hush, you.” The Doctor poked at the fish experimentally, hissing and drawing his finger away from the fire. “The pups will be learning to swim soon. Would you like to help teach them?”

“Teach them?” Jamie stared at him. “I’m not a seal, how can I help? I cannae even swim myself.”

“No, but you can stop them from getting too far away from the shore.” Jamie looked at him incredulously. “You did an admirable job today.”

“That wasnae very deep,” Jamie pointed out. “Just so long as I dinnae end up almost drowning like I did last time.”

“I’m thinking of putting them in the tidepools at first,” the Doctor said. “You won’t come to any harm.”

“It feels like I will,” Jamie said. “The sea’s not like Polly’s wee stream. The salt burns a bit, and it’s just so _big_. I feel like I could get lost in it.”

“If you ever got lost in it, I’d come and find you,” the Doctor said softly. “You’ll never have cause to fear the water, not while I’m there. I’d save you.”

“And when you’re not there?” The inevitability of the Doctor’s departure had become something that they only dared whisper out into the darkness, a truth unspoken by day.

“Then you’ll go back to your forest, won’t you?” the Doctor said. “You won’t need to be by the sea anymore.”

“No.” The thought seemed strange to Jamie. Somehow, being by the sea had become a source of comfort, despite his fears. “No, I won’t.”


	11. Chapter Ten

For all his bright talk of the future, the Doctor was growing increasingly uneasy, often pacing around their room, throwing items into satchels and pockets before unpacking them again. Jamie could only watch in sadness, wishing he could help, that he could take the Doctor’s hands in his and calm his racing mind, ease his pain. He had long since decided that when the time came for the Doctor to leave, he would make no attempt to hold him back. But the Doctor’s determined resistance to the call left him struggling to know what to do. If the Doctor wanted to stay, did he have any right to abandon him to the ocean?

“How much does it hurt?” he asked one evening, after the Doctor had settled from yet another fit of restlessness. “Being away from your home for so long, I mean. I cannae even imagine being away from here like that.”

“No, you can’t imagine it,” the Doctor snapped. He softened a moment later, sighing heavily and relaxing into Jamie’s side. “I’m sorry, Jamie.”

“It’s alright, ye didn’t mean it.” Jamie wrapped the blankets around them more tightly, hugging him close. “You’re just a wee bit on edge, that’s all. It’ll pass.”

“Until the next time, and the next time, and the next time. It’s getting worse.” The Doctor shook his head. “It’s not just that. I’m not good for you.”

Jamie was stunned into silence. He stared down at the Doctor, trying and failing to process his words . “Not good for me?”

“No.” The Doctor winced as he spoke, but he carried on anyway. “Maybe I was once, but not anymore. I can’t make you happy like you deserve.”

“But ye do make me happy!” Jamie thought over the past few weeks, trying to understand, to figure out where he had failed in showing the Doctor that he still wanted this. The Doctor had been irritable and despondent sometimes, yes, but he had thought they still enjoyed each other’s company. “I still love ye, whatever ye seem to think.”

The Doctor pulled away from him, slipping out of bed, and for a moment Jamie’s blood ran cold. This was the moment of rejection, he thought. The Doctor was about to tell him that it was over, perhaps even that it had been a game all along, that he was a fool to fall for it. He followed him out of bed, but the Doctor stepped away, pacing again, seeming almost skittish.

“I don’t belong here, Jamie,” he said at last. “However much I want to stay, however hard I try to fight it… however much I love you, it’s not enough. It will never be enough. One day I’ll be alone again, and this time I’ll have someone to miss.”

He snatched up his coat, rushing out the door, and Jamie followed, pausing in the doorway. “Doctor!” For a moment, the Doctor was still, neither ignoring him nor turning to look at him. “Are… are ye coming back?” The Doctor met his eyes, and Jamie nodded to the coat in his arms.

“I can’t be here tonight, Jamie,” he said quietly. “Not for a while, at least. Maybe I’ll be back tonight, maybe tomorrow morning. But – yes, I’ll come home.”

He turned and was gone, leaving Jamie shattered in the wake of his turmoil.

* * *

“Zoe, I need your help.”

Zoe looked up reluctantly from the book she was holding, as if having to forcibly drag her attention away from it. “My help?” She blinked, visibly focusing in on him. “You don’t normally need things from the library.” She tilted her head to one side. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s the Doctor.” Jamie sighed, wondering where to begin in explaining to Zoe what was happening to them. Until now, they had managed to keep the Doctor’s suffering something of a secret from their friends. “He’s got it into his head that I’m not happy with him.”

Zoe snorted. “Anyone can see that’s not true.” She turned back to her book for a moment, until she realised that Jamie was still standing there expectantly. “Well, what do you expect me to do? It’s your problem to sort out with him.”

“I want to give him a present,” Jamie explained.

“A present?”

“Aye. I came tae ask your help in making it. I want tae give him a book.”

Zoe nodded slowly. “That shouldn’t be too difficult. And I’m sure Isobel wouldn’t mind helping too, if I asked her.”

Jamie grinned, momentarily distracted from his own worries. “Have ye told her how ye feel yet?”

Zoe fixed him with a stern look, carefully changing the subject. “What sort of book do you want to make him?”

“One like all the other books he reads. A book of selkie lore.”

* * *

Jamie rocked back and forth on his heels a little nervously as the Doctor tore away the paper around the book, revealing the cover. “Another one? Oh, Jamie, I told you these things weren’t accurate. Your people know surprisingly little about selkies, there won’t be anything in here that could help us break the call.”

“Open it and see.”

The Doctor sighed, opening the book. “I highly doubt there’s anything of importance in here -” His eyes caught on the first words, and he fell quiet. “Oh. Oh, Jamie.”

“Do ye see now?”

“Yes, I -” The Doctor dropped the book onto their bed, turning to hug him tightly. “You filled an entire book with how much you love me?”

“Aye, well, when ye put it like that...” Hearing the Doctor spell it out made it sound worse than even Zoe had been able to.

The Doctor shook his head, smiling fondly. “And you call _me_ ridiculous?” He patted at the bed. “It’s lovely.”

“You’ve no’ been happy lately,” Jamie explained, sitting down beside the Doctor. “I thought it might cheer ye up.”

“It did.” The Doctor mopped at his eyes with his sleeve. “Oh – oh, dear.” He shifted away from Jamie, fumbling for the book. “You do know that I still -”

“I know.”

The Doctor tucked the book into one of the seemingly infinite pockets of his coat. “I’ll, ah, I’ll read it later. As it happens, I have something to give you, too.”

Jamie blinked at him. “Something for me?”

“Mm.” The Doctor rummaged in another pocket for a moment before producing a wreath of dried kelp, which he dusted off and placed on Jamie’s head. “There.” He admired his work, looking pleased. “Very handsome.”

Jamie reached up to touch the wreath dubiously, snatching his hand away from the sharp edges. “Did ye make this?” The kelp was smooth to the touch when he managed to avoid the edges. Despite its age, it was still a pretty, sun-dappled green, untouched by wear or decay – clearly a work of intricate, loving magic.

“Hardly. But it was mine.”

“When did ye wear something like this?”

“When I used to dance on the shore with my pod.” The Doctor shrugged, embarrassed. “I don’t know why I kept it. It’s not as if I’ve needed it.”

“Ye will when ye go home.” Jamie tried to press the crown back into the Doctor’s hands. “I can’t take this.”

“Of course you can.” The Doctor twisted his hands together, stalling, forming his next words carefully. “I intended to give it to you when… well. I had wanted to ask you to marry me, you see. I do realise it hasn’t been long,” he added when Jamie opened his mouth to reply. “And I realised you could do much better than me. But that was my intention, before I realised I would have to return to my pod, and when I still thought we had enough time. I thought that if you said yes, you could wear this at our wedding.”

The wistfulness in his eyes told Jamie everything he needed to know. “When ye go, there’s no chance of ye coming back, is there?”

“I don’t think my family will let me, Jamie. If I had simply been forced to return to the ocean – seven years is the blink of an eye for people like us. I would have waited, and I think you would have, too.” Jamie nodded. If the Doctor left with a promise to return, it would be simpler to go on with his life, if no less painful. “But I don’t believe my family would allow me run away again.” Jamie was silent for a long moment, letting the Doctor replace the seaweed crown on his head. “There. At least I get to see how lovely you would have looked. I can have that to remember.”

“I wouldnae have worn this if you didn’t have something too.” Jamie curled his fingers as if holding something, passing his other palm over in a circle. Flowers and leaves formed in his hands until he was left holding a wreath of his own. “Here.” Quite by accident, he had made a wreath of forget-me-nots. The realisation struck him like a blow to the chest.

“You would have said yes,” the Doctor said, quietly, sadly. It was not a question, but Jamie nodded anyway.

“Aye, of course I would have.” He thought for a moment. “Could we not – ye still have time, don’t ye? We could still get married.”

The Doctor gave a small, fond smile, and for a moment Jamie thought he would agree. “No, Jamie, I’m afraid not. I couldn’t make that sort of promise to you and then leave forever. It would make all this worse, I think.”

As much as it pained him to admit it, Jamie knew he was right. The Doctor was giving him a greater chance to grieve and move on – a chance which he was loath to take, but which he might appreciate one day.

“I’ll try, you know,” the Doctor said quietly. “To come back to you. If there’s just the slightest chance I can come home again, I’ll take it.”

Jamie touched his arm gently. “Aye, I know ye will.”


	12. Chapter Eleven

“Jamie?”

“Mm?” Jamie rolled over sleepily, fumbling to wrap his arms around the Doctor. His hand collided with the bedside table, fingers brushing against the flower crown he had made a few days ago, before he managed to grasp the Doctor properly. “What’s wrong, leannan? Did ye have a nightmare?”

“I’m sorry.” Only then did Jamie realise the Doctor was crying, tears falling silently, his eyes wide and pleading. “I’ve run out of time.”

“Oh.”

For all that he had known the moment was coming, hearing the Doctor say those words drove home that this was real. For months, he had kept faith that the Doctor would find some way to end the call home, that their comfortable happiness would not be broken. Even when the Doctor had told him that there was very little hope, his departure had always been some unimaginable future, something that would happen weeks or months from the present. But here they were, the Doctor looking up at him tearfully, and him unable to do anything but stare back.

“Oh – oh, I am sorry, Jamie, I don’t know what’s -” The Doctor slipped out of bed, fastening his belt and shrugging his coat on, not looking Jamie in the eyes. He scrubbed at his tears with one sleeve. “It’s just not fair! I want to stay here, or to keep travelling, I never wanted to go home. Why should I have to go back to them? They won’t want want me there, I don’t belong there anymore, I belong out here under the stars, and -” He froze as Jamie slipped a hand into his, turning at last to face him. “I don’t want to go home,” he whispered. “I had so much more left to do.”

“Aye, I know. I would have gone with ye for all of it.” It was the truth, Jamie realised. He could bear to leave his forest for a while to be with the Doctor. The fact that he too was to be robbed of that chance pained him more than he would have expected. “I would have followed ye.”

“Here!” The Doctor snatched his sealskin off a chair, bundling it into Jamie’s arms. “Take it. Hide it somewhere I’ll never find it, bury it in the forest, and then I won’t be able to go home. Please, Jamie, I’m begging you, I can’t go back.” Jamie shook his head, horrified by the very thought, and the Doctor’s eyes grew wider, sadder. “Jamie, love, please take it. Please.”

Jamie stared down at the coat, watching his tears fall onto its fur. To tear away a part of the Doctor’s very being, to confine him to a life of sadness and yearning for the ocean, even if it was what he had asked for, was impossible. To do it would break both their hearts. There was only one solution to their problem. He squeezed the Doctor’s hand, opening the door and pulling him out, the Doctor following confusedly. They wound their way through the corridors of the Seelie court, heading out across the beach until they stood ankle-deep in the ocean, facing each other.

At last, Jamie held the Doctor’s coat out to him. “Go home, he said quietly. “Go home, and be as happy as ye can for me, aye?”

The Doctor took his coat, clutching it against his chest. “I could never -”

“Ye have to. If ye think I’m going tae keep ye here until ye wither away from heartbreak, ye cannae think very highly of me.”

The Doctor looked as if he wanted to argue for a moment, then wrapped the coat over his shoulders, pulling it tight around himself. “You look frightened.”

“Aye, I am,” Jamie admitted. “I’m frightened of waking up tomorrow and forgetting for a moment that you’re gone. Of having to tell all our friends what happened. Of never seeing ye again.” He paused. “Of ye not being happy with your family.”

The Doctor nodded. “I...” The words caught in his throat, and he abandoned them. Tugging something out of the depths of his coat, he held it out to Jamie. “This is yours.”

Jamie did not even have to look down at it to know that it was the book he made, well-thumbed even after only a few short days. “Keep it,” he said, pushing it back towards the Doctor. “To remember me.”

A choked sob forced its way out of the Doctor’s throat as he tucked the book back into his pocket. “I couldn’t ever forget you. I put the memory of you into the song you taught me, remember?” He reached up to cup Jamie’s face, looking at him as intensely as if he was trying to memorise every inch of him, as full of wonder as if he was seeing him for the first time. “You’re so beautiful, you know.”

Jamie scoffed, leaning down to touch their foreheads together. “That was always you.”

The Doctor smiled sadly, pulling him close to kiss him softly. “Goodbye, Jamie.”

“No.”

“No?”

“If I’m not going tae see ye again, I’d like our goodbye to be a bit more like this.” He pulled the Doctor in by the waist, kissing him desperately and a little clumsily, their noses bumping together as if it was their first kiss. The tears tracking down the Doctor’s cheeks fell onto his skin, and he wondered if he was crying, too, and could not feel it. He tried to kiss the Doctor with all the love he had for him, emptying it out as if draining a wound, but it always came flooding back into his heart. He knew that the Doctor understood what he was trying to say by the way he kissed back, clutching at him as if he could keep them from drifting apart.

The Doctor drew back reluctantly, pressing a few final kisses to Jamie’s lips, trying not to pull away. Only at the last possible moment did he yield to the tug of the sea, reaching out to Jamie even as he transformed in a swirl of fur and waves, vanishing beneath the water’s surface to become just another shadow. Jamie watched him until he passed the ninth wave from the shore, then turned away.

Halfway up the beach, he paused, looking back. Some part of him hoped that the Doctor would at least give him some last goodbye, the wave of a flipper or the flick of a tail, as he always did when he headed out to sea. But he saw no familiar shape bobbing amongst the moonlight and the ripple of the waves. The Doctor was gone, away home to the life he should have led, and Jamie was unavoidably, heartbreakingly, utterly alone.


End file.
